Friday, April 10, 2026

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday April 10, 2026 - “10 Months, No Job” Ed.


Highlights for the week

Another great start to the week, kicked off by an amazing Sunday Easter dinner. Made the lasagne and strawberry shortcake to perfection.

MONDAY

Affirmation: BUILD CHARACTER: HONESTY - INTEGRITY - RELIABILITY

Actively working on this. Sister tried to offer some unsoliticed advice but I had to ignore. She's not a parent, and the advice was not necessary. But instead of lashing out, I opted to state how it came off and just exit out of the conversation. Gotta protect my peace.

I'm thinking this week will be 10 months since my last paycheck. In a small way I miss the work. In a bigger way, I hate that I wasn't mentored the right way. Can't trust anyone!

The physical act of looking for work is becoming a sick joke. You're applying to a job that might not exist. You see the job paying less than market rate. You interview and have to go through a gauntlet of people just to hear, "thank you .. next!"

I just hate that I'm back here again .. 10 months in the mental gulag that is unemployment: the stress, the anxiety; the feelings of worthlessness, week after week.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: HEAL THE HURT BOY TO BECOME THE MAN YOU DESERVE TO BE!

Woke up "feeling" grateful for a lot. That hasn't happened in a long time, even with choppy sleep.

Listened to a YouTube video that blessed my feed and it was absolutely inspirational; will take those points and find time to write about it and reflect on where my deep hurts still lie.

Re-started Push/Pull/Leg workout with my son. Feeling amazing!!

Had a great day until dinner. Then a simple mistake uncorked a lot of disregulated energy that's been simmering for quite a while, directed at me. She didn't ask, and I didn't tell .. yet it is my fault. It is always my fault. I am sorry for that.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: RECLAIM YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY AND SHOW UP STRONG

Heard a great pod cast this morning about the 4 main masculine archtypes and how they manifest themselves in the actualized man. Going to focus on that.

Clearly, I'm not well. Going to do some deep soul searching and revisit old traumas to finally exorcise those demons. The body stores the energy of past traumas and those tend to resurface at inopportune times, in subconcious ways. Writing about to meditate on this.

Unemplyment is really starting to wear on me. Bad showing for jobs. I hate the profiles of people I know wearing titles that show advancement. It reminds me of where I'm slipping.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: WISDOM IS THE BYPRODUCT OF FAILURE!

The universe graced my YouTube feed with another set of videos from the same person I mentioned yesterday. He spoke about five salient points that compared how the safe man versus the wounded boy shows up and my mind was blown. Saw another short that went into how the wounded boy gives up his power and shows up small, relinquishing his masculine energy to his partner; he's actively seeking his mother-figure. WOW!! I took lots of notes and felt a weight lift. Everything the wife had been saying wasn't just speaking from a place of anger, but there was a reason behind it. The host of the video laid it out plain as day as to why she felt how she felt. Double WOW!!

Had a great night's sleep last night and woke up refreshed. Solid leg workout followed by a great breakfast .. lfg!!!

FRIDAY

Affirmation: RECLAIM YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY!!

This is going to be the goal. Reclamation of who I need to be as a man by healing the boy. It explains .. EVERYTHING!! How the hell am I supposed to land a lead role, or senior anything if I can't even lead myself or my family. I cannot keep showing up as an old boy. The patterns, the "junior level" performance, the feelings of being small, passive, weak. It all makes so much sense. LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!

What We’re Grateful For

  1. Grateful for YT for bestowing so much wisdom and inspiration this week. Found a reason to start healing the hurts.
  2. Grateful for another great week of feeling the joy to be able to have good health and stamina to make it through another day.
  3. Grateful for the learnings that come from even the simplest work on Bugcrowd. Every day is another day to keep getting better. Haven't found much, but we keep grindin'!!
  4. Grateful for having our God watching over us. Nana is up there gracing us with her love.

What We Loved

  1. The revelation that I don't have a learning disability or cognitive impairment but rather behavior patterns stemming from still unaddressed wounds from my childhood.

What We Learned

  1. Trello Pen Test [Status: DONE!] Report draft in progress.
  2. Claude + MCP [Status: DONE!] Will be starting on agent work next week.
  3. Writing: Bug Bounty Pro Tips [Status: DONE!]

  4. QA DAY: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Temporarily paused for other, more extensive priorities. If time allows this weekend, will address it. Not a priority.
  5. Writing: "Husb..." [Status: IN PROGRESS!! ] Had a strong section for the war. Mapped out where the main characters are; Jessica & sixOne hit the "Null"

  6. Android Pen Testing Ed. [Status: TO DO!!] Created the account and have my login credentials set.
  7. Cloud Security Fundamentals [Status: TO DO!!] Now that the Pen Test is complete, will be making this a priority.
  8. AI Pen Testing [Status: TO DO!!] Leaving this here so I don't forget that I legit want to learn this.

What We Longed For

  1. I keep praying for that ideal job. It's a breath of fresh air that I got a taste of the job I want (Secure Ideas), but the search continues.
  2. Barely 5 jobs applied to this week. Even the restaurant jobs aren't calling back. But that's ok .. it's my vibe that is failing me, not anything else.

What We Loathed

  1. Getting parental advice from non-parents. That bothers me a lot.
  2. 2026 Job market .. I'll never not keep hating this timeline. More layoffs by the month.
  3. Not being able to get to help Mom and sister more. It's getting more and more expensive to do so, and the opportunities are fading.

Saturday, April 4, 2026

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday April 3, 2026 - "Easter Sunday" Ed.


Highlights for the week

Another week in the bag and it was a mix of getting some goals accomplished while still being blocked in other areas. Sleep quality has been trash lately. I go to bed fine, but wake up between 3am and 4am, then never really feel 100% rested at 6am. Yet the workouts have been good. Can't say my performance has been affected.

MONDAY

Affirmation: CELEBRATING THE WINS!!

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TUESDAY

Affirmation: WORK ON BEING PATIENT, PERSISTENT, AND POSITIVE

  • Woke up at 3am .. felt fine, but crashing. My mood has been supremely low. Really need to get the testosterone checked.
  • Went shopping but lost the list; reliability quotient minus 1.
  • Have to accept mother's money; reliability quotient minue 4.

Wife and child see me as the low p.o.s .. yet contribute nothing but attitude; reliability quotient slipping down further. They have a right to be upset .. and this is all on me. UNEMPLOYMENT F**NG SUCKS WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE!!

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: REFLECTION IS REDEMPTION

Love this quote. It hits really hard. Found this in an article about Yoda, jedi grandmaster who, despite his wisdom, failed a bunch.

It was a good day getting to try and unblock myself from the one project. Did not have much time to start the new project.

  • A good win for home priorities: got to save money paying for lots of food; paid the bills on time.
  • The cash advance I took out the other day came in super-handy. As did Mom's check.
  • New workout happening next week. Back to the Push/Pull/Legs.
  • Found a really good job ad working on a travel app. It's a "junior" role, but the pay is decent and the work seems chill. It's in NYC. 2 peole from Unqork are there.
  • I wanted to start on Trello, but my Fireblocks support ticket required attention.
  • Paused on Claude learning for the day.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: UNLESS YOU CHANGE WHO YOU ARE, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE WHAT YOU GOT !!

Another gem from Jim Rohn and the reason why I'm a work in progress. I have 20 years of partnership to make up for, and a lifetime of living to redeem.

Still working through finding my purpose, but the itch to get back into writing is growing. I'm paying more attention now to how good writers get it done.

Applied to a super-cool job working for a travel site that speaks to my love of travelling. Fingers-crossed. Decent pay and I know the Head of QA.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: MEASURE YOURSELF AGAINST YOU OLD SELF, NOT ANYONE ELSE

Love this a lot. I've been feeling like crap, but that's probably because the enemy wants me at a low vibration. Not gonna happen. My old self made a lot of mistakes that my current self is paying for. While I did love my time at Secure Ideas, it definitely had a lot to be desired. I should have done better, but I also should have had the proper mentoring to keep me from going off the rails and meeting my objectives. One thing is for sure, I'm a lot smarter for failing like I did.

I keep looking at all the "Staff ..", "Senior ..", and "Lead .." jobs for QA and keep thinking to myself that QA was never the goal of my life. What that true purpose is still eludes me, but I know I don't want to reach the end of my life having squandered my talents.

What We’re Grateful For

  1. Grateful to have a mom, but holy hell is that woman stubborn. Jammed money down my throat that I had to swallow my pride and take.
  2. Grateful for Youtube and the positive videos I keep getting piped into my feed every morning. It's been therapeutic.
  3. Grateful to have a full fridge, happy home, and positive vibes.

What We Loved

  1. Because it is holy week, getting to watch "Jesus of Nazareth" always makes my soul happy. The message is simple: Hope & Faith will carry you far.

What We Learned

  1. Pentest for Zendesk [Status: STILL BlOCKED!] I've since moved on to Trello [Status: IN PROGRESS!]
  2. Claude + MCP [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Following the tutorial is great, but I hit a limit. Seems like a paid subscription is required.
  3. QA DAY: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Didn't really make much automation progress; I did however, build out a Root Cause Analysis sheet and Dashboard .. so that counts!
  4. Writing: "Husb..." [Status: IN PROGRESS!! ] Started on the chapter titled "Bedlam" .. need to really work on capturing the essence of war.
  5. Writing: A new blog - the offspring of several posts on Reddit regarding bug bounty submissions.

What We Longed For

  1. Mandiant. Going to keep this as a vision of my ideal job with great people, doing cool sh**, for great pay, at a decent location.

What We Loathed

  1. Having to ask mom for money .. at 50yrs old. FFS! I MUST DO BETTER
  2. 2026 Job Market .. the worst!!

Friday, March 27, 2026

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday March 29, 2026 - "Holy Week / Palm Sunday" Ed.


Highlights for the week

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MONDAY

Affirmation: WHAT STANDS IN THE WAY BECOMES THE WAY

I know I used this last week, but I'll never get tired of it. BBH is blocked so I may have to pivot. Adaptability, baby!!

TUESDAY

Affirmation: POSITIVE THOUGHTS + POSITIVE ACTIONS = BIG WINS!!

Grateful that I got to wake up and had a solid workout, despite not feeling 100% rested.

Mom was in the hospital real quick, but glad she's home safe.

Giving this week's BBH another day to unblock - getting a new error with postman. FML!!

Pivoted to QA Day - Added some FE Automation tests to finish the "Critical Path" test suite; Finally fixed the API tests failing in git

Job interview as "Server Assistant" for a swanky new place in West Village ($17/hr) .. but money is money!!

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: EVERY DAY IS A NEW OPPORTUNITY

Today was an absolute wash. After the workout, I spent the morning getting ready for an interview that took a bit to get to. Hoping for the best, but the commute is hell for $17/hr. Nothing got done today. Grateful for even having this opportunity.

Mother is trying to give me money. But the amount raised concerns and questions I didn't feel like answering were asked. I'm an adult I don't need my mommy bailing me out for my problems. I refused the money. I don't want the drama that comes with it either.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: DON'T QUIT! See It Through!!

If Penetration Testing / Security Testing is going to be your future, see it through. Don't give up because of Secure Ideas. It was a great experience and one you'll cherish forever. But also, let's not forget there was a lot that could have been done different on both sides. You have to own where you went wrong and how you could have done better.

That being said, it's been a blissful, terrible, teachable nine months. I've learned a metric ton. Just keeping it one foot in front of the other.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: YOU ARE QUALIFIED! CAPABLE! & DESERVING

It was an odd way to end the week. Slept great, cleaned the apartment like we do every friday, and relaxed. The oddity was feeling like bad is going to get worse, yet hopeful.

It has to change!! I am not happy that I interviewed for the role of a glorified bus boy, but at the moment, options are very very limited.

What We’re Grateful For

  1. Grateful to have a mother willing to lend me money despite me not wanting it.
  2. Grateful that I had the interview. If nothing else, it felt good to step out and practice interviewing with someone.
  3. Grateful that we (wife and I) have intellectual conversations. When it's not consipiracy theories it's religion.
  4. Grateful that I have powerful voices like Jim Rohn and Napoleon Hill in my ear every morning. Bedros, to some degree. Andy S. is always a trip.
  5. As always, grateful to have another week full of life, learnings, and self-love. Rebuilding that trust in myself and not feel like a constant failure is taking time.

What We Loved

  1. Quiet week .. not a lot jumps out that was worth a "LOVE" shout out.
  2. Loved that I woke up and beat back my inner bitch that wanted to stay in bed. Despite my sleepiness, I managed a decent workout.

What We Learned

  1. Pentest for Zendesk [Status: BlOCKED!] Getting 404s when submitting requests in the sandbox environment. Filed a support ticket. Will be moving on to yet another program!
  2. Claude + MCP [Status: TO DO!] The next chapter in the AI learning. This week was a mix of using Granite and Gemini.
  3. QA DAY: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Made the most of being blocked with Fireblocks to cover the critical path test scenarios. Next is automating the "Criticals". Appium .. tbd!
  4. Writing: "Husb..." New Section - Septimal Convergence [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Completed outline. Will schedule this for the weekend.

What We Longed For

  1. A great job in Security, doing cool things, with amazing people, for decent pay and benefits.

What We Loathed

  1. 2026 Job Market. More layoffs due in the months to come. No longer by the hundreds. Now it's by the thousands.
  2. Sister getting involved and being way too nosey for my liking.
  3. Mother being stubborn beyond belief. I'm grown and don't need my mother to solve my problems, yet she insists and insists .. unrelenting! Not cute!!

Friday, March 20, 2026

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday March 20, 2026 - "Eating Humble P.I.E" Ed


Highlights for the week - Something completely different

This week was a mixed bag of lows and highs. Some wins, some not. Splitting this out by the day and will probably keep to this format.

MONDAY

Affirmation: SET YOUR STANDARD

Something I need to work on is building out a new standard. Be disciplined not just at the gym, but in everything else as well. Work in progress!!

Friend reached out to me about a few things and I learned about Mentorship and the P.I.E model.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: WHERE THE MIND GOES, ENERGY FLOWS

Woke up feeling weird; had a good night's sleep up to a point. 3am and I was in and out of my head. Probably something to do with my conversation on Monday, with my friend.

Also, what is even the point of job hunting when the jobs are either unresponsive, or rejecting.

I feel so broken .. useless .. worthless. I understand this is not who I am going to be, but man is it tough these days keeping positive.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: SET A DAILY INTENTION

Thank you, Napoleon Hill for the wise words. I love waking up and having a single intention to focus on. "To day I will focus on [goal] because it is aligned with who I want to become"

THURSDAY

Affirmation: FOCUS NOT ON WHO YOU WERE, BUT ON WHO YOU WANT TO BECOME!!

Only in this timeline can you be an absolute criminal and keep your job. You show up, you do the right thing, the right way, and still .. not enough when layoffs need to happen, and the investment is in AI.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: THAT WHICH GETS IN THE WAY BECOMES THE WAY

QA Day and test automation was my side quest when I got blocked from Hacking. Resilience .. baby!! When one door closes, another one opens.

Also, acquired the credentials I needed to get unblocked from pen testing the new program. Monday ---> Let's GO!!

TIL - perfect resumes score high on a fraud detection meter, and boring resumes never get looked at. WTF!!

House cleaning = soul cleaning; slept great, feel much lighter; achy from a week's gym effort.

What We’re Grateful For

  1. Grateful to have friends that reach out consistently. I should do better about reciprocating and keeping my network "fresh".
  2. Grateful that God talks to me through YouTube .. been getting my pep talks in the morning while I work out.
  3. Grateful that I get to be up and around, physically and spiritually.

What We Loved

Had a long-time friend check in with me. After a lengthy discussion of all things, the subject of my employment history came up and when asked about it, I felt "embarrassed." Yes, my history sucks. Yes, I am ashamed. And yes, I owe the outcome of what happened to my ineptitude; a failure to eliminate old patterns and replace them with new ones. It felt like I was looking at an embarrassing photo and not liking what I saw. I suppose that's a good thing. It means the old me is dying. Like who was I even?

  1. Was I the kid who never had a proper father or father-figure? YES! All examples of a role models and mentors have disappeared.
  2. Was I the teen who felt called out by his step-mother as a fraud; a phony? YES! Still working on who I really am.
  3. Was I the young adult who was blamed for things outside of his purview, then fired as a result? YES! The wound is healed, but the memory remains.
  4. Was I the dude who fell in love, only set aside (like my father had done)? YES! But maybe I wasn't ready for her, despite how much I wanted her.
  5. Was I the angry, bitter man who would work odd jobs, never hold a steady employ, and not give any attention to females? YES!
  6. Was I the man who finds a good woman and just makes her pay for all his bad choices? YES!
  7. Was I the guy who was an absolute spaz with his child? His household things? YES!
  8. Was I the old person who couldn't hold a steady job, and f**s up the one job he loved? Eventually to become the dipshit broke, miserable, in failing marriage, and a poor example for his son. YES!
  9. Truth is, I need to focus, not on who I was, but on who I want to become ... 1 percent better, every day.


What We Learned

  1. Pentest for Zendesk [Blocked!] I pivoted to a new program: Fireblocks, a crypto wallet app
  2. Finished HackTheBox "Cap" - time ran out and never could finish getting the root flag
  3. AI Training - Claude [Status: DONE!] The best features of Claude (Claude Code) requires a paid subscription.
  4. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Updated APPIUM to 3.0.; Used Claude to generate QA Test Strategy and Test Cases for a new website. Test Automation [IN PROGRESS!]
  5. Writing: "Husb..." New Section - Septimal Convergence [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Completed outline. Will schedule this for the weekend.
  6. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI [Status: PAUSED!] .. still no word on when we'll resume
  7. Learned about P.I.E as it relates to Mentor/Mentee and work performance evaluation. This was eye opening!!
    • PERFORMANCE - 10% .. are you doing your job well (accomplishments)
    • INTEGRITY - 30% .. what do people think of you (reputation)
    • EXPOSURE - 60% .. who knows you and your work (relationships with mgr, sr. mgr, CEO)
    • The Exposure is about who knows you and what they know about you. Does your boss'boss know your name? Does the leadership team understand your value? To move up, you have to transition from focusing purely on tasks to focusing on relationships and reputation.

      ... and this right here is where I failed at Secure Ideas. Obviously, the technical work need improvement. But it was those last two reports and how I looked to Kevin that sealed it. And it wasn't just the reports (those didn't help). It was missing the assignment on the blog posts. It was not getting it right with Burp Suite. It was not doing enough to promote my self. The perfect shit PIE.


What We Longed For

  1. A great job, doing cool things, with amazing people, for great pay and benefits!!

What We Loathed

  1. 2026 Job Market ... nuff said!

Friday, March 13, 2026

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday March 13, 2026 -- "Countdown to insolvency" Ed.


Highlights for the week

Applied to an amazing job that sounds promising. And a friend submitted the referral, so that's clutch.

Finished a great bug bounty program and, with the help of AI, found a legit bug that deserves attention.

Lowlights for the week

Every day that passes is a day I go more and more broke. 9 months, +300 jobs, not even so much as a blip. Trying to stay positive but holy hell is it getting rough. My sleep has been trash. Workouts have been flat. Mood: absolutely sad. Low-T, but also the reality of the situation.

As of this writing Block laid off 4k people, Amazon is about to layoff 14k people, and Atlassian (the JIRA people) laid off 10% of their workforce. It will only get worse as the economy rebounds from the overhiriing of 2019. While the excuse is "AI Replacing human work," the truth is sandwiched between unnecessary layers, underperforming employees, and the valuation of stock prices dropping as labor costs continue to eat away at profit margins.

What We’re Grateful For

  1. God isn't done with me yet.
  2. Daily pep talks via YouTube have helped me get my mind right. Need to establish a new set of personal standards.
  3. Grateful that I still have food in the fridge and some money in the bank, who knows for how long?!
  4. Grateful that have my health and well being, even though I feel like low-t is the root cause of a lot of issues, especially with sleep, mood, and libido.
  5. Personal pep talk:I AM NOT A FAILURE; I AM BECOMING; I AM

What We Loved

  1. Not a lot to love this week, but the wins are part of what I learned.

What We Learned

    TO DO

  1. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Updated APPIUM to 3.0.
  2. AI Training - Claude [Status: TO DO]
  3. New Pentest: BitPanda [Status: TO DO]
  4. Writing: "Husb..." New Section - Septimal Convergence [Status: TODO]
  5. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI [Status: PAUSED!] .. no word on when we'll resume
  6. Mentor/Mentee w. LUNA [Status: ON HOLD!] .. another one, radio silent
  7. Mentor/Mentee w. SHREE [Status: DONE!] .. radio silent

    IN PROGRESS

  1. Tried my luck at CTF - looking through a windows machine. Blocked due to inability to load software that would help complete.

    DONE

  1. Pen Test - TheFork[Status: DONE] Report is 100%; Completed theFork Pen Test Report. Mimic'd the SI Report QA process.
  2. Writing: "Husb..." Chapter "War Cry" [Status: DONE]
  3. Instead of QA Day, spent the afternoon migrating old Security tests written in python to the new repo. Keeping it active until the API are moved over.

What We Longed For

  1. As always, a great job doing cool things with amazing people, for great pay.

What We Loathed

  1. 92,000 jobs lost since the start of 2026.
  2. Having to rely on my child's income to get through the following months.
  3. Just now hearing back from a job I applied in January, after following up with them after a few weeks. WTF to that!!
  4. Having applied to a job from a job board, only to find out that the job is not hiring and that the job lead was old.
  5. Finding I have to re-apply for SNAP BENEFITS/CASH ASSISTANCE ... again!!!@#$%

Saturday, March 7, 2026

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday March 6, 2026 - "Blood Moon" Ed.


Highlights for the week

This week has been a mixed bag of lows and highs. The low being zero jobs responded to and money running out. The highs being several wins to celebrate!

The Blood Moon happened March 3rd. No doubt, a harbringer of bad things. A war was started in IRAN, more Epstein files keep getting leaked, and several tech companies dumped more employees. One such company - Block - cut 4k employees. Oracle, is set to cut several more. Overall, the economy lost 96,000 jobs and there doesn't seem to be signs of hiring.

NINE MONTHS! since my last paycheck. And there doesn't seem to be signs of improvement. FML! What is even the point anymore?! Monday, I just perused 50+ job descriptions, all very specific to a niche set of skills. None that I have, nor any that I may actively pursue.

What We’re Grateful For

  1. God isn't through with me yet! I have the energy to wake up, lift, and keep learning.
  2. This week, got a few pep talks in my ear to help with the sadness. Definitely anxiety! Could also be low-T!!
  3. Grateful that my son has income to help keep us afloat.

What We Loved - BIG WINS!!

  1. Used LOVEABLE to build a quick app that displays the weather forcast on Caribbean Islands
  2. Pen Testing on a client and I managed to find a particular GraphQL implementation flaw at a couple of file upload features of the app. Submitted for review. The feedback I got was that it was "INFORMATIONAL." I submitted a RAR. It is definitely higher than a P5.
  3. As always, grateful for food, family, and faith. We will get through this!!

What We Learned

  1. AI Security [Status: Done!] - Finished the modules; need to practice. Leveraged IBM Granite to help test vulnerabilities in GraphQL
  2. AI Training [Status: Done!] - Built an MCP that pulls in weather data; built an app with Loveable.
  3. New Pen Test: TheFork [Status: IN PROGRESS!] - Nearly complete with the B2C section. Need to test some other aspects.
  4. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!] The Convergence is happening!
  5. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Updated APPIUM to 3.0. The app loads in Appium Inspector. Will revisit where my scripts lie with python.
  6. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI [Status: PAUSED!] - Postponed until .. who knows?

What We Longed For

  1. As always, a job -- trying to keep up the happy vibes when the money is running out!!

What We Loathed

  1. The 2026 JOB MARKET - to date, there doesn't seem to be any signs of hiring, but I'm trying to stay optimisitic.
  2. On a silghtly relevent note, borrowing from my son to ensure we have the rent paid is the lowest point. I've hit some low points, but this one takes the cake. All the affirmations in the world can't help me from this. I am working on self-improvement, but there is a debt to pay and the sins of all my past mistakes are long overdue.FML!!
  3. Got into a bit of a "tiff" with the wife. The past week's shouting match segued to grievances she's been holding onto for quite some time. I would fight back, but given the current economic situation I'm facing, I can't say she's wrong. Also, the idea that I need to know my place is laughable. As if she were the "alpha" when she spends literally 8 hours a day on god-knows-what. It certainly isn't education and trying to move this family out from the hell we're in. And heaven forbid I should stand up for myself. No one yells at me, mistakes or otherwise. She tolerates me!! Feeling is mutual, but I keep that close to the chest. Haven't been happy for quite some time. Sex is a relic. Truly a bad state of things. And it's all on me. YOUR FORGET YOUR PLACE, she said after declaring I should apologize for yelling at her. As if!! She yelled, I yelled back.

Sunday, March 1, 2026

Security Testing Journal Entry | February AAR


Below is a write up of goals & intentions that were set and either met or not met & why

FOCUS ON WHAT IS MOVING YOU FORWARD! STAY FOCUSED! ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS!

GOAL CONTINUOUS

Self Improvement

STATUS

MET

REASON

The morning pep talks have helped with the negative self-talk and mild depression. It could be the winter, or low-T. Sleep has improved a significant amount since coming back from the trip.

ACTION REQUIRED

Keep at it .. Stay consistent. Remember: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAST. YOUR ARE REFINED BY IT!!

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 1

Android / iOS Mobil Application Penetration Test

STATUS

UNMET

REASON

Priorities shifted and this was descoped. Will revisit in the future.

ACTION REQUIRED

Will need to set a task to set up the mobile environment for proper mobile pen testing. MOBSF can only get you so far!!

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 2

Network Penetration Test

STATUS

UNMET

REASON

Attempted to do this, but found "TheFork" and moved into testing Web App.

ACTION REQUIRED

Visit HackTheBox (HTB) and find a cool box.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 3

Active Directory Penetration Test

STATUS

MET .. sort of!

REASON

Sat through a presentation where the host performed ADPT on a few targets.

ACTION REQUIRED

Visit HackTheBox (HTB) and find a cool box like "Blue" that is meant for AD.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 4

Web / API Penetration Test

STATUS

MET .. sort of!

REASON

  • Started on "TheFork" and I'm 50% of the way done.
  • Remember where you failed at Secure Ideas and the areas you need to get better. Keep moving!

ACTION REQUIRED

Make this the priority of the week and finish.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 5

LLM Penetration Test

STATUS

MET .. sort of!

REASON

While I am working through the learning modules, the models to make this work are not working.

ACTION REQUIRED

Finish the modules and see why the environment isn't working.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 6

"AntiSyphon - Hacking LLMs" Meeting

STATUS

MET

REASON

Sat through the presentation and learned the theory. Not much was done as far as "hands-on" work.

ACTION REQUIRED

Keep researching this. Love it.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 7

Python Practice

STATUS

MET

REASON

Revisited my old framework and updated some scripts.

ACTION REQUIRED

Currently working to script mobile tests. Will revisit security scripts as necessary.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 8

New Workout

STATUS

MET

REASON

Seeing progress, but it is a grind.

ACTION REQUIRED

Keep at it .. Stay consistent.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 9

"Husb." .. writing for fun

STATUS

MET .. sort of!

REASON

Started on the chapter but paused it for other priorities. Will return to it in March.

ACTION REQUIRED

Keep at it .. Stay consistent.

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 10

Read A Book

STATUS

MET

REASON

Started on "Zorro", Finished Part 1

ACTION REQUIRED

You are on to Part-2. Don't stop!

--- * --- * --- * --- * ---

GOAL No. 11

Learn about Cloud Security

STATUS

UNMET

REASON

Been busy with other areas and honestly Cloud Pen Testing isn't my jam.

ACTION REQUIRED

Need to learn how to do this soon.