Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 23, 2026 - “Wife's Birthday Cruise” Ed.

Highlights for the week

It's cruise day. I will be off for some much-needed vacation. It will be good to get away from the negativity of job hunting, rejections, and loss of finances for a few days.

Weather calls for a big snow storm follwed by a deep freeze. We won't be around for that.

New workout is starting to pay off. I wish my sleep and eating could reflect the discipline I have for working out, but money is as it is. Sleep hygiene must get back to good.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Daily affirmation: I AM ENOUGH!; I AM QUALIFIED AND CAPABLE!; I ATTARACT POSITIVITY!; I AM NOT A FAILURE!, I AM IN PROCESS!; I WILL SUCCEED!!
2. Grateful for the vacation time. Going to decompress hardcore!!
3. Grateful to be alive, full of good health and vitality.
4. I will always be grateful for my family near and far.

What We Loved

1. I love listening to Jim Rohn. The pep talks have helped me deal witih my traumas and rebuild trust in myself before I can rebuild my future.

What We Learned

1. This was a purposefully quiet week, so all manner ot goals were put on hold. Key learning was Red Teaming LLMs and the AI infrastructure.
2. Wrote a little bit more on "Husb.." - Monica is resuced, but Jessica was gravely wounded as she warged the team from the Darkhold to Pinnacle Base. Monica and Mara still have unsettled business. Pinnacle Base is under attack. Cetus and Lady Hecate have a final confrontation. "The time for monsters" - new chapter to kick off Convergence. More to come!!

What We Longed For

1. As always, a good paying job security testing (consulting), making good $$, working with amazing people, minimal travel, and with decent benefits.
2. Will begrudgingly accept a role in quality assurance engineering with a focus on playwright (either with javascript or python).

What We Loathed

1. As always the 2025 - 2026 Job Market.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 16, 2026 - "New Year, New Cruise '26" Ed.

Highlights for the week

It's a precarious situation that I find myself in. I want to find work, but unable to start immediately. Anything would have to come after February.

And what a week it was! Although the employment situation remains hot garbage, a lot was accomplished and learned, starting with finishing another pen test. Seven months and I'm learning where I really failed at SI (and other employers) and where I will improve.

• I will continue to improve my testing fundamentals, my writing, and my discipline for working through challenges.
• I will make sure to ask clarifiying questions to make sure I understand the assignment fully.
• I will then follow-up when I've completed the assignment to ensure I've completed the task.
• I will work double-hard to make sure I have full context / clarity on the project I'm working on. No more struggling with context.
• I'm also going to learn not to be so gung-ho about a new job; no more rose-colored glasses. Both eyes wide opened and staying grounded.
• I will set daily and weekly goals, making sure they are aligned with the work I am assigned to doing. No time wasted!!

MOST IMPORTANT PROMISE TO MYSELF: I will work my a!@# off to be an asset to the team, not a liability.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful to be able to have provided for another cruise. I am the richest poor person I know :)
2. Grateful to be going on vacation and away from the negativity for a few days.
3. As always, grateful that I get to wake up in a bed, with food in the 'fridge, and a warm meal.
4. Last but never the least: eternally grateful for the loving family I have, near and abroad.

What We Loved

1. Getting back into python was always a pleasure. I'll probably continue on this path.
2. Loved that I'm feeling the work I'm putting in to heal mentally is paying off. The negative self-talk has been replaced with positive affirmation!!

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Going to schedule time for it .. pinky-promise!!
2. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Been delayed writing this week. Saved for the weekend.
3. Python for Ethical Hacking: [Status: DONE!] - Finished the book in record time and pulled in some great code snippets for future use.
4. New Pen Test: USAA [Status: DONE!] - Scope was large, but after verifying the targets, it was whittled down to a web pen test. APIs were inaccessible.
5. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Scheduled time for python for ethical hacking.
6. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Project Planning Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] - Postponed until February

What We Longed For

1. A job .. like now!! I will be in the red end of this month. Something's got to give!

What We Loathed

1. Monday's are the worst for job hunting.
2. What's not working, besides me! ... job hunt. Seven months, zero phone calls or invites to first-round interviews. More rejections than I can count.
3. Also, starting my morning at 10:30 (or so) is hurting my productivity. Then again, job hunt has been a dumpster fire.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 9, 2026 - “On The Python Path” Ed.

Highlights for the week

Not really a lot to report this week, however a lot of new things have been started, so that's a plus.

With a new workout, new BBH program started, and new book to read / learn, things have been amazing. I love the idea of asking if the action I'm taking to get better every day is moving me forward. I listen to Jim Rohn every morning, and the best thing I've heard so far is to stay disciplined, keep focused, plan well, and execute every day. It doesn't matter that you failed in your past .. that's not you anymore. It doesn't matter what you've done .. that is inconsequential to now. Now is all that matters. What am I doing NOW to help improve my situation, my weaknesses, where I failed.

The time is NOW .. break the old patterns. I think this is what GOD has been trying to teach me. If not, it's my muse talking. She's always reminding me to write, focus, stay calm, eliminate distractions, feed the mind and body proper, and disallow negative thinking.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful to be alive another day.
2. Grateful that I will be able to get to another cruise.
3. As always, grateful to have a loving family, warm home, and food in the 'fridge.

What We Loved

1. Happy that I'm starting on the path to keep doing better and being better. Caught myself eliminating negativity and the bad self-talk. Taking more control over what I accept both internally and externally has been amazing. Also working to keep disciplined and build good habits. No more reaching for the vice to get me entertained when bored. Instead, it's about healthy choices.

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Scheduling this for the weekend.
2. Python for Ethical Hacking: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] - Completed Chapter 1, so awesome getting the refresher plus tangiable scripts to use later.
3. New Pen Test: USAA [Status: IN PROGRESS!] - Completed the scoping and reconnissance. I've flagged the issues with creating an account and project scope.
4. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Been delayed writing this week. Saved for the weekend.
5. API Pen Testing: Lime [Status: DONE!] - The API for previous engagement and current are blocked.
6. APISEC: [Status: DONE!] Happy by how much I learned and labs created.
7. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Scheduled time for python for ethical hacking.
8. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Project Planning Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] - Postponed for the following week. Concerned by her discipline (or lack thereof).

What We Longed For

1. A JOB!! Plain and simple. I am in the red and if I don't land a job within the next few weeks, it will be a very bad February. Zero for March!!

What We Loathed

1. Nearly got scammed of my PII for a job prospect.
2. Watching an innocent person get "un-alived" by a federal agent for no reason whatsoever was beyond atrocious. The country is in peril!!
3. Also watched an unsanctioned takeover of a country by special forces ... it appears we're back to our colonizer ways!! Yay 'murica!!

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 3, 2026 - "First Journal Entry of 2026" Ed.

Highlights for the week

So yeah .. 2026 is here and now. I, for one, still have an uneasiness about it. I'm trying my best to work on putting out positive vibes and manifesting the kind of outcome I want, but sad truth is it feels like worse is going to happen on a global scale. In the meantime, I will continue to work on myself. The goal is: DO BETTER, BE BETTER!

On the professional tip, I will be working on learning to be an asset, not a liability; the person your team can count on. For way too long, I've struggled to get things right. Quitting hs football haunts me as it was not how I wanted to end that. I was sore, tired, and out of shape. Worse, I had no friends or anyone I could lean on to motivate me to keep going. I was there at the recommendation of a friend but that was it. If I knew then what I know now, I would have powered through.

I had no clear ambition for College other than maybe become a pediatrician. That ended after the first year. Then I figured let me make up the remainder of my time climbing back up that mountain. Barely got by with a 3.0 GPA. I wanted to graduate and join the Air Force. That was a bust. Wanted to pursue a secondary degree but fell 1 semester short because the class I needed wasn't available my last year. Yay, me!

A freshly minted graduate, no job prospects. Other than writing, what I had working for me was life in food service. Learned a ton and had some invaluable experiences. Memories I will cherish for a life time. In the end, it did little to help my future self out. I went to a vocational school but had just enough money to get through a program to earn my A+ Certification. Thought I was going to go into computer repair: another failed idea.

After some time, I went back to school and graduated with a second BA and what felt like an incomplete education. All the programming classes were a bust in some degree, and my security classes required me continuing my education to the Master's level. Money I just didn't have. I freelanced for a bit, and landed a few other jobs. Looking back, I don't think I ever processed the firing at the Townhouse because I carried that resentment every job I went to. The cycle was the same: get hired > do ok > get fired / laid off.

And then God blessed me with a family. I feel like this was the universe trying to get my stupid a** to act right, straighten up, and quit doing dumb sh**. It worked ... to a degree. I landed a testing role and was off to the races. Then changes happened and a lot internal movement brought out a side of me I thought was done. I hadn't realized that I subconciously hated change. Any disruption to my world strirred up internal rage which manifested itself in outward job performance. I rebelled. I sabotaged my relationships. I acted out of pocket. It it was the same for several other jobs. I won't go into the details for Fuzz, but that loss hurt me in a way I didn't think I could ever hurt. It showed me that hardwork was never really appreciated and that there is no loyalty in the workplace. You're an asset until you're not. When they want you gone, you're gone!

FML! 50 years old and I still feel like that lost little boy, wishing for guidance. I'm operating at a "junior level" because I've had to figure sh** out my own. The consequences of doing it the hard way has been failing forward. The rose-colored glasses I used to see my security job with are shattered. With clarity, I see I was never as ready as I thought I was and I hadn't received the kind of education I was begging for. I used what little knowledge I had and figured the rest out as I went. I probably would still be employed there had I had the right mentorship and guidance. But here I am, once again, not working and trying to find the next opportunity. I don't know if I've exhausted them all, or if the best is yet to come.

They say it's never too late to start over. I hope who ever "they" are, that they are doing well because 2026 doesn't feel very optimistic right now. The plan is to do better, be better. But also, hoping to volunteer more and network with other like-minded people. I know there's more I could be .. should be doing.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful for starting the year off in a comfy bed, despite the odd sleep. I get 6 hrs, but I wake up too early, no pep in my step. A couple of days ago, I had weird pains in my chest. Probably gerd. The discomfort was enough to wake me up at 2 am and ruin my plans for working out that morning.
2. As always, I'm grateful that I get to wake up. I suppose God isn't through with me yet. Still hoping together we can find my purpose.
3. Desptite being poor, I'm grateful that I get to travel with the family. We'll be cruising at the end of the month.

What We Loved

1. Loved that I finally got to finish Web Application Hacker's Handbook.

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Resuming after the holiday break.
2. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Enemies are at the gate; Plan to rescue Monica is underway .. starting with sixOne getting arrested
3. WAHH - [Status: DONE!]. Completed the book during the holidays.
4. API Pen Testing: Lime [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.
5. APISEC: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Just wrapped up the modules on Injection, Fuzzing, and Mass Assignment.
6. QA DAY: [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.
7. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Test Cases Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.

What We Longed For

1. A job .. plain and simple. Ideally with good pay and benefits.

What We Loathed

1. Job boards like Linked In, Indeed, Monster and so on are the absolute worst! Especially Linked In, they're not looking to get you hired. Instead, they just keep you hooked for the sake of engagement. And if you want better job leads and to actually reach out to a recruiter, you gotta pay.
2. The entire tech assessment process for a job I know very little about: I hate not meeting with the manager; I hate not getting the right info; I did ask clarifying questions but did not get any further details. Not even a job description for what I would be doing. Just scraps. And I did some research and the job isn't even listed on the company site. Is it legit (red flag!) The ropes thing asked for my id (red flag!) Minimal preparation (red flag!) And it is in Queens (red flag!). If I land it, great. If not great.

Security Testing Journal ... Supplemental

Life is the goal ... time to achieve it in 2026

I listened to a Jim Rohn video on YouTube last week and ... just wow! The universe was definitely talking to me and took notes. Below are some key points. I will apply my own thoughts as well. The promise I'm making to myself from here on in is TO DO BETTER and kill the negative thinking

Self-Improvements Daily!

This has been very much the goal since 2024. Going into 2026, the mission continues. Keep doing the daily grind. Keep putting in the work. 1% better every single day.

Keep feeding the mind good things, because what goes in is what comes out. So absolutely no more nrop.

Detach From Your Past Failures!

I must not keep beating myself up for all the dumb sh** I've done in my past. I never did get to process what happened to me at HTH, and it burned a deep scar in my psyche. At some point, that event and all the bad jobs and layoffs/terminations and what-not have got to get buried. Time to build new patterns and set new standards.

What Is Ahead Is More Important Than What Is Behind You!

As the saying goes, the windshield is larger than the rear-view mirror for a reason. Looking forward is where the potential is at. The past is passed. It served up many many lessons. Time to bury that m**f**r and keep moving forward.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

The only person I need to compare myself to is the person I was previously. Gone is the 15 yearold who had no real father or role model to look up to. Gone is the 25 yearold who learned to love his job and his girl, only to lose both that same year. Gone is the 30 yearold idiot managing marriage, fatherhood, and a new career after so many failed attempts at transitioning out of food service into something different. And gone is the 40 yearold still making the same careless mistakes but failing forward. The goal is to keep going, keep growing, and keep learning. Still waiting to find my purpose.

Make Sh!@#$ Happen .. Get Sh!@#$ Done!

I love this saying. It has been my mantra since the day I started QA. It never fails me. It reminds me to keep the momentum up, own the mistakes, avoid losing focus.

Make A Decision & Stick To It!

Indecisiveness is weakness. Better to make the decision and learn from the outcome than to be insecure. Insecurity was in fact the biggest thing that hurt me at SI. That and ego .. thinking I was ready when clearly there was so much more I needed to learn.

Always Respond With Calmness & Clarity!

As I get older, I'm learning to detach more and more. Not everything is a hill worth dying on. Best approach is to react with steadiness and avoid any emotional outbursts. Still waters run deep.

Exhibit High Performance Thinking For Optimal Results

This will be an area I need to improve. There are times my head is far from where it should be. My mind is not always the steel trap. Gotta get better. The solution is to move with confidence and act with purpose.

Reconstruct Your Identity Based On Your Strengths!

Another goal for 2026 .. do better! Take the me I want to be and work on him. Work on my strenthgs and passions: Write more; mentor more; Do better; Be better; Keep testing; Stay disciplined.

Speak Positively!

I will keep reminding myself this quote, YOU ARE NOT YOUR FAILURES!!

It is time to tear down this lie .. the lie that I am a joke, insufficient, unqualified, incapable, uneducated, and inadequate.

I will believe in myself because he deserves it. My family deserves the best version of me, not some weak-ass rendition.

Failure Doesn't Define You ... It Refines You!

Pretty much this ^^

I'm done feeling weak. I will no longer accept mediocrity. I will work to improve my physical, spiritual, and emotional self.

THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR IS NOW ... DECIDE THAT YOU WILL WIN .. NOW! YOU WILL BE BETTER .. NOW!

Security Testing Journal Entry | *** 2026 Ed. ***

Highlights for the week

2026 IS ALMOST HERE

The theme going in to the new year is going to be DO BETTER!

There were several wins this year, which offsets a lot of the losses that incurred (namely job loss). Without going to much into it, there's a lot I will be focused on and I will be aiming to do better:

• As a man .. I will make every effort to maintain healthy stoicism and set the example I want my child to model himself after. No more hypocrisies.
• As a Father .. I will work on myself and be as good a role model as I can be. My son needs to know I will be there for him no matter what.
• As a son .. I will venture to be more present and responsive to mother and father ... as best I can.
• As a husband .. I will do my best to rebuild trust and reconect.
• As a brother .. I will work on being better as a brother.
• As a mentor .. I will continue to set the tone and be available. I want them to know I'm a resource. Be the mentor I never had.
• As a leader .. I will maintain my personal values, work on my competence, and be genuine.
• As a pen tester / QAE .. I will learn from my past failures but I will quit dwelling on them. I am not what happened to me. I am what I chose to become.
• As a friend .. I will strive to keep in touch.

A great quote that sets the mood is, You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” 
―C. S. Lewis

We're no longer accepting this: the weakness, the self-pity, the failures (more on this to come). Enough is enough!! Do Better is the theme!!

• Stay on task!
• Stay focused!
• Stay calm!
• Ask questions when there is doubt.
• Get clarification where there is ambiguity.
• Do your best, at all times, in all ways

And now for something completely different ... CAREER REMINDER

“I want to go into Pen testing / Security Consultant because I genuinely love the challenge of finding vulnerabilities and working with clients to solve them. I got a taste for it and I want more.”

“I want this company because it aligns with my values and gives me the opportunity for career growth. This was what I had with Secure Ideas ... wahh”

“I want this role because it aligns perfectly with my personal and professional ambitions. I really love the skill of pen testing.”

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful for the good and bad that was my time at Secure Ideas. The exposure was invaluable beyond words. It was a prayers-answered job and I'm disappointed in how it ended.
2. The family is always a blessing.
3. Love that I've been so good at working through my sh** and did not let myself sink into a depression I could not get out of.

What We Loved

1. I loved the continual learning

What We Learned (for 2025)

1. Could I have articulated my value better?: Yes .. working on doing better.
2. Do I need to improve my storytelling (communication)?: Yes!
3. Did I connect with the right people?: Yes. Throughout the year, and especially at BSIDES-NYC.
4. Did I network widely enough?: Yes.
5. Why didn't my network help?: No clue, but Linked In is no longer the networking engine it once was.
6. Were there tasks that I failed in?: Unfortunately, yes. May was just a bad month. 2 blog posts bombed, 2 reports went to sh***, and there were too many mistakes with Burp Suite. Also the file upload test was a spectacular fail.
7. Did I work to the best of my ability?: I did.
8. Did I produce excellent work?: For the most part yes. Like I said before, 2 reports and 2 blog posts were the beginnnig of the end.
9. Was my performance sub-par?: Yes. I failed to meed the expectations of the role.
10. Did I communicate my work?: Yes.

What We Longed For

1. A great paycheck and great benefits.

What We Loathed

1. Nothing. Not wasting energy on things I have no control over.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday December 26, 2025 - "Christmas Holiday" Ed.

Highlights for the week

The holiday week came and went and I did my best to bring the energy. Not gonna lie, I wasn't feeling it. I was moody and depressed. I was sulking about finances and where I'm at as a man, as a husband, and as a father. Six months out of work and it's scaring me that I may never land another job. The thing I kept harping on was "missed opportunities." I've had chances. I've had opportunities. Am I at the age where I've used up all my tokens? No more lives left .. game over!

I was feeling a certain way and the universe spoke, as it often does, through YouTube. And I was listening to a few videos while working out. I felt a little better. Some common themes were: DONT QUIT .. FOCUS ON WHO YOU WANT TO BE BECAUSE it is never about luck. It is about preparation, opportunity, and discipline.

Remember that EGO KILLS GROWTH.

Remember, You're not walking through the fire alone! God is walking beside you too :) Also, Chiron asks you to heal yourself before you try to heal others. And also that you cannot walk into new opportunities carrying old baggage. You have to set those down and keep moving forward.

YOUR NEXT MOVE MATTERS MORE THAN YOUR LAST MISTAKE!! Stop dwelling on what didn't happen, or that you failed. Focus on what the lesson taught you.

1. You didn't meet expectations ... GOOD! You reflect on where you fell short - excellence, work, competence - and build those up.
2. You bombed the blog article ... GOOD! Keep writing. The problems were lack of clarity on the assignment and inexperience. You can do better, don't quit.
3. You botched a few reports ... GOOD! You were getting better at the end. You failed because of your pride. Stay humble or get humbled.
4. You shit the bed with the file upload component testing ... GOOD! You have since taken the steps to upskill and fix your flaws.
5. You're weak at API, mobile and network pen testing ... GOOD! These are opportunities for growth. You've already gone through network pen testing and you're doing API now.
6. You didn't get your chance to volunteer ... GOOD! You attended BSides-NYC and made a ton of new connections.
7. You still need a mentor, but now you get to mentor others

So yeah, these past six months have been instrumental. I've also learned soooo much about AI. There's still more to go. In the end, the goal is to: Be empowered. Love yourself. Check the behavior pattern and fix what isn't working and move forward. Do this for your family and future self. Keep showing up, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Your past will try to get in the way .. don't let it

What We’re Grateful For

1. Every moment is a gift. Focus on the lesson and the blessing.
2. Still here .. still breathing.
3. Great fam to enjoy the holidays with.
4. Staying healthy

What We Loved

1. Loved that I have a lot of life left.

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Moved to next week .. so few hours in the day.
2. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Enemies are at the gate; Dee made the plans and DBack is testing the new aircraft.
3. Reading: WAHH Chapter 19 - [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Code Review Topic .. not easy.
4. API Pen Testing: Lime [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Putting APISEC lessons to practice; just wrapped Reconnaissance. Manual testing to follow.
5. API Pen Testing Tutorial: [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Learned about Mass Assignment; BFLA / BOLA
6. QA Day: Performance Automation [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Working on a cool project involving Playwright and K6.
7. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Test Cases Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] Holiday Break!
8. API Pen Testing: YNAB [Status: DONE!]. I'm writing this off.

What We Longed For

1. As we wrap 2025, longing for a great job that I can grow into.

What We Loathed

1. Feeling like a failure is absolutely the most loathsome thing I've had to endure these holidays.