Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday April 24, 2026 - “Second Verse, Same as the Worst!” Ed.

Highlights for the week

The layoffs have not subsided. Meta plans a couple of more rounds of layoffs starting May 20th. About 8,000 good people are going to be shown the door for no real reason except "AI Research" -- which is beginning to smell of grade-A bs. The lie is meaningful gains from using LLMs. The truth is corporate america is saturated with workers they didn't need in roles that will no longer matter, costing the company way more than necessary.

Gross still is the incentivized evil perpetuated by the stock market. Companies are "rewarded" for showing PROFIT/GROWTH. And this occurs by way increased revenue or decreased cost. The math is simple: If you aren't generating revenue, you have to eliminate cost. Human resources tends to be the easiest exendable line item in the ledger. So when Zuck has to reduce headcount to show profitability, he's really reallocating 1.16 billion in capital to fund projects to become more competitive in the AI space.

And Meta is far from the only perpetrator of this evil. IT companies are dumping US workers for foreign H1-Bs, because the work needs to get done, just for cheap. And when the AI takes off, those roles will be eliminated too. The decimation will be complete. That's if we're not in the apocolypse.

In other news, here's hoping I get to launch a book before judgement day.

MONDAY

Affirmation: WORK HARDER ON YOURSELF THAN YOU DO AT YOUR JOB!

As the statement goes, if you're a hard worker, you can make a living. If you work harder on yourself, you can make a fortune. And in 2026, there really is no incentive to work hard and play by the rules when the system is rigged against you. It's all upside down.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: BELIEVE TO ACHIEVE

Quiet day. Had a strong workout and kicked off the PT for MFP. Also took another step forward in the Android PT learning. Built the a janky app and learned about intents, layouts and what-not. I'm baffled by the fact I never got into Android mobile dev sooner. It's surprisingly fun. Closed the day with reading about Cloud security. Going to chip away at the books.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: HEAL THE BOY TO BECOME THE MAN!!

Need to make time for the inner work this weekend.

Another week where the jobs are there, but the responses are not. The family is feeling the slow loss of income. I can't keep taking out cash advances. +200 applicants for 1 chair is bad math.

Non-sequitor: I might have a teeny-tiny addiction to reddit.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: CELEBRATE THE WINS, EVEN THE SMALLEST ONES

Another good day. Got to finish learning about Claude AGENTS then put the knowledge to use with Playwright. I installed the MCP Server and ran through some tests. Absolutely blown away. In a matter of a few prompts and refactoring, I managed to get a suite of tests composed with a test plan and a report.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: A CLEAN HOUSE IS A HAPPY HOUSE

Second try at getting my bloodwork done. Not much else to get done as I've been keep on top of things throughout the week. still need to finish "Zorro"

What We’re Grateful For

1. The gratitude things will always be for family and loved ones.
2. Grateful that I have medical benefits that covered my bloodwork. Getting concerned about my t-levels and PSA that needs to be addressed.
3. Grateful for another great week of learning and living.

What We Loved

1. Loved to have started a new pen test.
2. Loved learning a new skill with both android and Playwright MCP.
3. Loved that I got to finish learning about agents with Claude. It was a great week!!

What We Learned

TO DO

1. Finish reading "Zorro"
2. AI Pen Testing [Status: TO DO!!] Leaving this here so I don't forget that I legit want to learn this.

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IN PROGRESS

3. Web Pen Test [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Completed recon for MFP. Now onto mapping the application and playing around with stuff.
4. Cloud Security Fundamentals [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Found a couple of great pdfs to read. The Google course is expensive, but worth it.
5. Android PT / Hex Tree - Network Interception Module [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Built out a quick app and learned about intents. A few more modules to go.

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DONE

6. QA DAY: [Status: DONE!] Learned how to set up and use Playwright MCP Server. Next on the list will be to employ it for "Space Advisor POC"
7. Writing: "Husb..." [Status: DONE! ] The Lady Hecate/Cetus successfully rewritten; Added the scene where Dark Queen goes through the void. Next up "Time for monsters".

What We Longed For

1. As always: A great job, with cool people, doing amazing things for decent pay and benefits; Simply put: Mandiant Security consulting.

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market - Even more layoffs on the horizon.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday April 17, 2026 - “New Energy” Ed.

Highlights for the week

The week came and went super-fast. The front-half of the week was successful with getting the mobile emulator set up for proxy. Now I can extend my pen testing to mobile.

The back-half of the week was dedicated to personal medical stuff, both for myself and wife. Wednesday was an all-day outing and yesterday was spent recuperating. Friday was supposed to have some bloodwwork done, but the appointment got rescheduled due to some missing information.

Job hunt still going strong. Well below my 10 job quota, but I did submit some new applications for decent jobs. Saddened about not landing Fora. But like the saying goes, that which was meant for you will not pass you by.

MONDAY

Affirmation: RECLAIM YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY

Not a lot happeing on the job front. Mondays tends to be super-quiet.

Sadly, I did not get the nod for Fora, the travel app. Sucks because it looked like a cool gig. It's ok, the title of "Junior" sucked.

Since the weekend, I've been on another wave length. Even had a great convo with wife yesterday.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: GOD IS GOOD!!

Woke up feeling amazing. Literally floating on air. In the best mood I've been in I don't know how long. It has to do with the "wounded boy" videos I've been listening to over the weekend .. so eye opening.

Grateful for the setback. It was necessary to have this time to really truly heal and become self-actualized. Now the next bit is the inner work and deciding WTF I want to do with the rest of my life. Pen Testing is great, but the market is saturated. I keep looking for QA roles, but that is getting shipped overseas. I want to publish books, but are people still reading and do I have anything worth telling. The search continues, but I will not go to my grave not having used my talents. That would be the ultimate sin. Nevermind all the dumb s!@#$ I've done.

Android learning continues.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: LUCK IS THE UNION OF PREPARATION AND CONSISTENCY

Quiet day .. not a lot got done. The good win was getting the device to proxy to burp. Let the Android PT games begin.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: KEEP GRINDING

Lots of learning with Hex Tree. Not much else

FRIDAY

Affirmation: DAILY INTENT - WHAT WILL I DO TODAY THAT MOVES ME FORWARD!

The morning started with the intent to get some blood work done as part of the program to get my Testosterone levels checked. Had to reschedule.

Setting weekend goals as these past two days went quiet in terms of personal projects, job hunting, etc.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Awesome weather this week. Always grateful for that!!
2. Grateful that I have some money in the back that will get me through the next few months. Not comfortable by any stretch, but hoping to land a job soon.
3. Forever grateful for the family. Keep calm, but forever hopeful for what the good Lord is going to bless us with.

What We Loved

1. Outside of weather, it was a quiet week. Loved the quality sleep these last few days.
2. Loved that I found the "healing the inner boy" videos. I need to get started on the inner work.

What We Learned

Reversed the order of this list so it gives me a better prioritization of tasks.

TO DO

1. QA DAY: [Status: TO DO!] Need to bump this to next week. Personal priorities impacted completion of this.
2. Cloud Security Fundamentals [Status: TO DO!!] Need to bump this to next week.
3. AI Pen Testing [Status: TO DO!!] Leaving this here so I don't forget that I legit want to learn this.

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IN PROGRESS

4. Hex Tree - Network Interception Module [Status: IN PROGRESS!]
5. Writing: "Husb..." [Status: IN PROGRESS!! ] The Lady Hecate/Cetus scene needs a rewrite. They should die together.

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DONE

6. Hex Tree - Start / ADB Proxy Module [Status: DONE!] So happy that I got the emulator to work with the burp proxy.

What We Longed For

1. Great job with great people, making great money doing amazing work. Will happily welcome a good QAE role, but I really want Security Consulting.

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday April 10, 2026 - “10 Months, No Job” Ed.

Highlights for the week

Another great start to the week, kicked off by an amazing Sunday Easter dinner. Made the lasagne and strawberry shortcake to perfection.

MONDAY

Affirmation: BUILD CHARACTER: HONESTY - INTEGRITY - RELIABILITY

Actively working on this. Sister tried to offer some unsoliticed advice but I had to ignore. She's not a parent, and the advice was not necessary. But instead of lashing out, I opted to state how it came off and just exit out of the conversation. Gotta protect my peace.

I'm thinking this week will be 10 months since my last paycheck. In a small way I miss the work. In a bigger way, I hate that I wasn't mentored the right way. Can't trust anyone!

The physical act of looking for work is becoming a sick joke. You're applying to a job that might not exist. You see the job paying less than market rate. You interview and have to go through a gauntlet of people just to hear, "thank you .. next!"

I just hate that I'm back here again .. 10 months in the mental gulag that is unemployment: the stress, the anxiety; the feelings of worthlessness, week after week.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: HEAL THE HURT BOY TO BECOME THE MAN YOU DESERVE TO BE!

Woke up "feeling" grateful for a lot. That hasn't happened in a long time, even with choppy sleep.

Listened to a YouTube video that blessed my feed and it was absolutely inspirational; will take those points and find time to write about it and reflect on where my deep hurts still lie.

Re-started Push/Pull/Leg workout with my son. Feeling amazing!!

Had a great day until dinner. Then a simple mistake uncorked a lot of disregulated energy that's been simmering for quite a while, directed at me. She didn't ask, and I didn't tell .. yet it is my fault. It is always my fault. I am sorry for that.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: RECLAIM YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY AND SHOW UP STRONG

Heard a great pod cast this morning about the 4 main masculine archtypes and how they manifest themselves in the actualized man. Going to focus on that.

Clearly, I'm not well. Going to do some deep soul searching and revisit old traumas to finally exorcise those demons. The body stores the energy of past traumas and those tend to resurface at inopportune times, in subconcious ways. Writing about to meditate on this.

Unemplyment is really starting to wear on me. Bad showing for jobs. I hate the profiles of people I know wearing titles that show advancement. It reminds me of where I'm slipping.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: WISDOM IS THE BYPRODUCT OF FAILURE!

The universe graced my YouTube feed with another set of videos from the same person I mentioned yesterday. He spoke about five salient points that compared how the safe man versus the wounded boy shows up and my mind was blown. Saw another short that went into how the wounded boy gives up his power and shows up small, relinquishing his masculine energy to his partner; he's actively seeking his mother-figure. WOW!! I took lots of notes and felt a weight lift. Everything the wife had been saying wasn't just speaking from a place of anger, but there was a reason behind it. The host of the video laid it out plain as day as to why she felt how she felt. Double WOW!!

Had a great night's sleep last night and woke up refreshed. Solid leg workout followed by a great breakfast .. lfg!!!

FRIDAY

Affirmation: RECLAIM YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY!!

This is going to be the goal. Reclamation of who I need to be as a man by healing the boy. It explains .. EVERYTHING!! How the hell am I supposed to land a lead role, or senior anything if I can't even lead myself or my family. I cannot keep showing up as an old boy. The patterns, the "junior level" performance, the feelings of being small, passive, weak. It all makes so much sense. LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful for YT for bestowing so much wisdom and inspiration this week. Found a reason to start healing the hurts.
2. Grateful for another great week of feeling the joy to be able to have good health and stamina to make it through another day.
3. Grateful for the learnings that come from even the simplest work on Bugcrowd. Every day is another day to keep getting better. Haven't found much, but we keep grindin'!!
4. Grateful for having our God watching over us. Nana is up there gracing us with her love.

What We Loved

1. The revelation that I don't have a learning disability or cognitive impairment but rather behavior patterns stemming from still unaddressed wounds from my childhood.

What We Learned

1. Trello Pen Test [Status: DONE!] Report draft in progress.
2. Claude + MCP [Status: DONE!] Will be starting on agent work next week.
3. Writing: Bug Bounty Pro Tips [Status: DONE!]

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4. QA DAY: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Temporarily paused for other, more extensive priorities. If time allows this weekend, will address it. Not a priority.
5. Writing: "Husb..." [Status: IN PROGRESS!! ] Had a strong section for the war. Mapped out where the main characters are; Jessica & sixOne hit the "Null"

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6. Android Pen Testing Ed. [Status: TO DO!!] Created the account and have my login credentials set.
7. Cloud Security Fundamentals [Status: TO DO!!] Now that the Pen Test is complete, will be making this a priority.
8. AI Pen Testing [Status: TO DO!!] Leaving this here so I don't forget that I legit want to learn this.

What We Longed For

1. I keep praying for that ideal job. It's a breath of fresh air that I got a taste of the job I want (Secure Ideas), but the search continues.
2. Barely 5 jobs applied to this week. Even the restaurant jobs aren't calling back. But that's ok .. it's my vibe that is failing me, not anything else.

What We Loathed

1. Getting parental advice from non-parents. That bothers me a lot.
2. 2026 Job market .. I'll never not keep hating this timeline. More layoffs by the month.
3. Not being able to get to help Mom and sister more. It's getting more and more expensive to do so, and the opportunities are fading.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday April 3, 2026 - "Easter Sunday" Ed.

Highlights for the week

Another week in the bag and it was a mix of getting some goals accomplished while still being blocked in other areas. Sleep quality has been trash lately. I go to bed fine, but wake up between 3am and 4am, then never really feel 100% rested at 6am. Yet the workouts have been good. Can't say my performance has been affected.

MONDAY

Affirmation: CELEBRATING THE WINS!!

statement

TUESDAY

Affirmation: WORK ON BEING PATIENT, PERSISTENT, AND POSITIVE

• Woke up at 3am .. felt fine, but crashing. My mood has been supremely low. Really need to get the testosterone checked.
• Went shopping but lost the list; reliability quotient minus 1.
• Have to accept mother's money; reliability quotient minue 4.

Wife and child see me as the low p.o.s .. yet contribute nothing but attitude; reliability quotient slipping down further. They have a right to be upset .. and this is all on me. UNEMPLOYMENT F**NG SUCKS WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE!!

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: REFLECTION IS REDEMPTION

Love this quote. It hits really hard. Found this in an article about Yoda, jedi grandmaster who, despite his wisdom, failed a bunch.

It was a good day getting to try and unblock myself from the one project. Did not have much time to start the new project.

• A good win for home priorities: got to save money paying for lots of food; paid the bills on time.
• The cash advance I took out the other day came in super-handy. As did Mom's check.
• New workout happening next week. Back to the Push/Pull/Legs.
• Found a really good job ad working on a travel app. It's a "junior" role, but the pay is decent and the work seems chill. It's in NYC. 2 peole from Unqork are there.
• I wanted to start on Trello, but my Fireblocks support ticket required attention.
• Paused on Claude learning for the day.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: UNLESS YOU CHANGE WHO YOU ARE, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE WHAT YOU GOT !!

Another gem from Jim Rohn and the reason why I'm a work in progress. I have 20 years of partnership to make up for, and a lifetime of living to redeem.

Still working through finding my purpose, but the itch to get back into writing is growing. I'm paying more attention now to how good writers get it done.

Applied to a super-cool job working for a travel site that speaks to my love of travelling. Fingers-crossed. Decent pay and I know the Head of QA.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: MEASURE YOURSELF AGAINST YOU OLD SELF, NOT ANYONE ELSE

Love this a lot. I've been feeling like crap, but that's probably because the enemy wants me at a low vibration. Not gonna happen. My old self made a lot of mistakes that my current self is paying for. While I did love my time at Secure Ideas, it definitely had a lot to be desired. I should have done better, but I also should have had the proper mentoring to keep me from going off the rails and meeting my objectives. One thing is for sure, I'm a lot smarter for failing like I did.

I keep looking at all the "Staff ..", "Senior ..", and "Lead .." jobs for QA and keep thinking to myself that QA was never the goal of my life. What that true purpose is still eludes me, but I know I don't want to reach the end of my life having squandered my talents.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful to have a mom, but holy hell is that woman stubborn. Jammed money down my throat that I had to swallow my pride and take.
2. Grateful for Youtube and the positive videos I keep getting piped into my feed every morning. It's been therapeutic.
3. Grateful to have a full fridge, happy home, and positive vibes.

What We Loved

1. Because it is holy week, getting to watch "Jesus of Nazareth" always makes my soul happy. The message is simple: Hope & Faith will carry you far.

What We Learned

1. Pentest for Zendesk [Status: STILL BlOCKED!] I've since moved on to Trello [Status: IN PROGRESS!]
2. Claude + MCP [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Following the tutorial is great, but I hit a limit. Seems like a paid subscription is required.
3. QA DAY: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Didn't really make much automation progress; I did however, build out a Root Cause Analysis sheet and Dashboard .. so that counts!
4. Writing: "Husb..." [Status: IN PROGRESS!! ] Started on the chapter titled "Bedlam" .. need to really work on capturing the essence of war.
6. Writing: A new blog - the offspring of several posts on Reddit regarding bug bounty submissions.

What We Longed For

1. Mandiant. Going to keep this as a vision of my ideal job with great people, doing cool sh**, for great pay, at a decent location.

What We Loathed

1. Having to ask mom for money .. at 50yrs old. FFS! I MUST DO BETTER
2. 2026 Job Market .. the worst!!

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday March 29, 2026 - "Holy Week / Palm Sunday" Ed.

Highlights for the week

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MONDAY

Affirmation: WHAT STANDS IN THE WAY BECOMES THE WAY

I know I used this last week, but I'll never get tired of it. BBH is blocked so I may have to pivot. Adaptability, baby!!

TUESDAY

Affirmation: POSITIVE THOUGHTS + POSITIVE ACTIONS = BIG WINS!!

Grateful that I got to wake up and had a solid workout, despite not feeling 100% rested.

Mom was in the hospital real quick, but glad she's home safe.

Giving this week's BBH another day to unblock - getting a new error with postman. FML!!

Pivoted to QA Day - Added some FE Automation tests to finish the "Critical Path" test suite; Finally fixed the API tests failing in git

Job interview as "Server Assistant" for a swanky new place in West Village ($17/hr) .. but money is money!!

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: EVERY DAY IS A NEW OPPORTUNITY

Today was an absolute wash. After the workout, I spent the morning getting ready for an interview that took a bit to get to. Hoping for the best, but the commute is hell for $17/hr. Nothing got done today. Grateful for even having this opportunity.

Mother is trying to give me money. But the amount raised concerns and questions I didn't feel like answering were asked. I'm an adult I don't need my mommy bailing me out for my problems. I refused the money. I don't want the drama that comes with it either.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: DON'T QUIT! See It Through!!

If Penetration Testing / Security Testing is going to be your future, see it through. Don't give up because of Secure Ideas. It was a great experience and one you'll cherish forever. But also, let's not forget there was a lot that could have been done different on both sides. You have to own where you went wrong and how you could have done better.

That being said, it's been a blissful, terrible, teachable nine months. I've learned a metric ton. Just keeping it one foot in front of the other.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: YOU ARE QUALIFIED! CAPABLE! & DESERVING

It was an odd way to end the week. Slept great, cleaned the apartment like we do every friday, and relaxed. The oddity was feeling like bad is going to get worse, yet hopeful.

It has to change!! I am not happy that I interviewed for the role of a glorified bus boy, but at the moment, options are very very limited.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful to have a mother willing to lend me money despite me not wanting it.
2. Grateful that I had the interview. If nothing else, it felt good to step out and practice interviewing with someone.
3. Grateful that we (wife and I) have intellectual conversations. When it's not consipiracy theories it's religion.
4. Grateful that I have powerful voices like Jim Rohn and Napoleon Hill in my ear every morning. Bedros, to some degree. Andy S. is always a trip.
5. As always, grateful to have another week full of life, learnings, and self-love. Rebuilding that trust in myself and not feel like a constant failure is taking time.

What We Loved

1. Quiet week .. not a lot jumps out that was worth a "LOVE" shout out.
2. Loved that I woke up and beat back my inner bitch that wanted to stay in bed. Despite my sleepiness, I managed a decent workout.

What We Learned

1. Pentest for Zendesk [Status: BlOCKED!] Getting 404s when submitting requests in the sandbox environment. Filed a support ticket. Will be moving on to yet another program!
2. Claude + MCP [Status: TO DO!] The next chapter in the AI learning. This week was a mix of using Granite and Gemini.
3. QA DAY: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Made the most of being blocked with Fireblocks to cover the critical path test scenarios. Next is automating the "Criticals". Appium .. tbd!
4. Writing: "Husb..." New Section - Septimal Convergence [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Completed outline. Will schedule this for the weekend.

What We Longed For

1. A great job in Security, doing cool things, with amazing people, for decent pay and benefits.

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market. More layoffs due in the months to come. No longer by the hundreds. Now it's by the thousands.
2. Sister getting involved and being way too nosey for my liking.
3. Mother being stubborn beyond belief. I'm grown and don't need my mother to solve my problems, yet she insists and insists .. unrelenting! Not cute!!

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday March 20, 2026 - "Eating Humble P.I.E" Ed

Highlights for the week - Something completely different

This week was a mixed bag of lows and highs. Some wins, some not. Splitting this out by the day and will probably keep to this format.

MONDAY

Affirmation: SET YOUR STANDARD

Something I need to work on is building out a new standard. Be disciplined not just at the gym, but in everything else as well. Work in progress!!

Friend reached out to me about a few things and I learned about Mentorship and the P.I.E model.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: WHERE THE MIND GOES, ENERGY FLOWS

Woke up feeling weird; had a good night's sleep up to a point. 3am and I was in and out of my head. Probably something to do with my conversation on Monday, with my friend.

Also, what is even the point of job hunting when the jobs are either unresponsive, or rejecting.

I feel so broken .. useless .. worthless. I understand this is not who I am going to be, but man is it tough these days keeping positive.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: SET A DAILY INTENTION

Thank you, Napoleon Hill for the wise words. I love waking up and having a single intention to focus on. "To day I will focus on [goal] because it is aligned with who I want to become"

THURSDAY

Affirmation: FOCUS NOT ON WHO YOU WERE, BUT ON WHO YOU WANT TO BECOME!!

Only in this timeline can you be an absolute criminal and keep your job. You show up, you do the right thing, the right way, and still .. not enough when layoffs need to happen, and the investment is in AI.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: THAT WHICH GETS IN THE WAY BECOMES THE WAY

QA Day and test automation was my side quest when I got blocked from Hacking. Resilience .. baby!! When one door closes, another one opens.

Also, acquired the credentials I needed to get unblocked from pen testing the new program. Monday ---> Let's GO!!

TIL - perfect resumes score high on a fraud detection meter, and boring resumes never get looked at. WTF!!

House cleaning = soul cleaning; slept great, feel much lighter; achy from a week's gym effort.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful to have friends that reach out consistently. I should do better about reciprocating and keeping my network "fresh".
2. Grateful that God talks to me through YouTube .. been getting my pep talks in the morning while I work out.
3. Grateful that I get to be up and around, physically and spiritually.

What We Loved

Had a long-time friend check in with me. After a lengthy discussion of all things, the subject of my employment history came up and when asked about it, I felt "embarrassed." Yes, my history sucks. Yes, I am ashamed. And yes, I owe the outcome of what happened to my ineptitude; a failure to eliminate old patterns and replace them with new ones. It felt like I was looking at an embarrassing photo and not liking what I saw. I suppose that's a good thing. It means the old me is dying. Like who was I even?

1. Was I the kid who never had a proper father or father-figure? YES! All examples of a role models and mentors have disappeared.
2. Was I the teen who felt called out by his step-mother as a fraud; a phony? YES! Still working on who I really am.
3. Was I the young adult who was blamed for things outside of his purview, then fired as a result? YES! The wound is healed, but the memory remains.
4. Was I the dude who fell in love, only set aside (like my father had done)? YES! But maybe I wasn't ready for her, despite how much I wanted her.
5. Was I the angry, bitter man who would work odd jobs, never hold a steady employ, and not give any attention to females? YES!
6. Was I the man who finds a good woman and just makes her pay for all his bad choices? YES!
7. Was I the guy who was an absolute spaz with his child? His household things? YES!
8. Was I the old person who couldn't hold a steady job, and f**s up the one job he loved? Eventually to become the dipshit broke, miserable, in failing marriage, and a poor example for his son. YES!

Truth is, I need to focus, not on who I was, but on who I want to become ... 1 percent better, every day.

What We Learned

1. Pentest for Zendesk [Blocked!] I pivoted to a new program: Fireblocks, a crypto wallet app
2. Finished HackTheBox "Cap" - time ran out and never could finish getting the root flag
3. AI Training - Claude [Status: DONE!] The best features of Claude (Claude Code) requires a paid subscription.
4. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Updated APPIUM to 3.0.; Used Claude to generate QA Test Strategy and Test Cases for a new website. Test Automation [IN PROGRESS!]
5. Writing: "Husb..." New Section - Septimal Convergence [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Completed outline. Will schedule this for the weekend.
6. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI [Status: PAUSED!] .. still no word on when we'll resume
7. Learned about P.I.E as it relates to Mentor/Mentee and work performance evaluation. This was eye opening!!
• PERFORMANCE - 10% .. are you doing your job well (accomplishments)
• INTEGRITY - 30% .. what do people think of you (reputation)
• EXPOSURE - 60% .. who knows you and your work (relationships with mgr, sr. mgr, CEO)

The Exposure is about who knows you and what they know about you. Does your boss'boss know your name? Does the leadership team understand your value? To move up, you have to transition from focusing purely on tasks to focusing on relationships and reputation.

... and this right here is where I failed at Secure Ideas. Obviously, the technical work need improvement. But it was those last two reports and how I looked to Kevin that sealed it. And it wasn't just the reports (those didn't help). It was missing the assignment on the blog posts. It was not getting it right with Burp Suite. It was not doing enough to promote my self. The perfect shit PIE.

What We Longed For

1. A great job, doing cool things, with amazing people, for great pay and benefits!!

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market ... nuff said!

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday March 13, 2026 -- "Countdown to insolvency" Ed.

Highlights for the week

Applied to an amazing job that sounds promising. And a friend submitted the referral, so that's clutch.

Finished a great bug bounty program and, with the help of AI, found a legit bug that deserves attention.

Lowlights for the week

Every day that passes is a day I go more and more broke. 9 months, +300 jobs, not even so much as a blip. Trying to stay positive but holy hell is it getting rough. My sleep has been trash. Workouts have been flat. Mood: absolutely sad. Low-T, but also the reality of the situation.

As of this writing Block laid off 4k people, Amazon is about to layoff 14k people, and Atlassian (the JIRA people) laid off 10% of their workforce. It will only get worse as the economy rebounds from the overhiriing of 2019. While the excuse is "AI Replacing human work," the truth is sandwiched between unnecessary layers, underperforming employees, and the valuation of stock prices dropping as labor costs continue to eat away at profit margins.

What We’re Grateful For

1. God isn't done with me yet.
2. Daily pep talks via YouTube have helped me get my mind right. Need to establish a new set of personal standards.
3. Grateful that I still have food in the fridge and some money in the bank, who knows for how long?!
4. Grateful that have my health and well being, even though I feel like low-t is the root cause of a lot of issues, especially with sleep, mood, and libido.
5. Personal pep talk:I AM NOT A FAILURE; I AM BECOMING; I AM

What We Loved

1. Not a lot to love this week, but the wins are part of what I learned.

What We Learned

TO DO

1. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Updated APPIUM to 3.0.
2. AI Training - Claude [Status: TO DO]
3. New Pentest: BitPanda [Status: TO DO]
4. Writing: "Husb..." New Section - Septimal Convergence [Status: TODO]
5. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI [Status: PAUSED!] .. no word on when we'll resume
6. Mentor/Mentee w. LUNA [Status: ON HOLD!] .. another one, radio silent
7. Mentor/Mentee w. SHREE [Status: DONE!] .. radio silent

IN PROGRESS

1. Tried my luck at CTF - looking through a windows machine. Blocked due to inability to load software that would help complete.

DONE

1. Pen Test - TheFork[Status: DONE] Report is 100%; Completed theFork Pen Test Report. Mimic'd the SI Report QA process.
2. Writing: "Husb..." Chapter "War Cry" [Status: DONE]
3. Instead of QA Day, spent the afternoon migrating old Security tests written in python to the new repo. Keeping it active until the API are moved over.

What We Longed For

1. As always, a great job doing cool things with amazing people, for great pay.

What We Loathed

1. 92,000 jobs lost since the start of 2026.
2. Having to rely on my child's income to get through the following months.
3. Just now hearing back from a job I applied in January, after following up with them after a few weeks. WTF to that!!
4. Having applied to a job from a job board, only to find out that the job is not hiring and that the job lead was old.
5. Finding I have to re-apply for SNAP BENEFITS/CASH ASSISTANCE ... again!!!@#$%