Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 23, 2026 - “Wife's Birthday Cruise” Ed.

Highlights for the week

It's cruise day. I will be off for some much-needed vacation. It will be good to get away from the negativity of job hunting, rejections, and loss of finances for a few days.

Weather calls for a big snow storm follwed by a deep freeze. We won't be around for that.

New workout is starting to pay off. I wish my sleep and eating could reflect the discipline I have for working out, but money is as it is. Sleep hygiene must get back to good.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Daily affirmation: I AM ENOUGH!; I AM QUALIFIED AND CAPABLE!; I ATTARACT POSITIVITY!; I AM NOT A FAILURE!, I AM IN PROCESS!; I WILL SUCCEED!!
2. Grateful for the vacation time. Going to decompress hardcore!!
3. Grateful to be alive, full of good health and vitality.
4. I will always be grateful for my family near and far.

What We Loved

1. I love listening to Jim Rohn. The pep talks have helped me deal witih my traumas and rebuild trust in myself before I can rebuild my future.

What We Learned

1. This was a purposefully quiet week, so all manner ot goals were put on hold. Key learning was Red Teaming LLMs and the AI infrastructure.
2. Wrote a little bit more on "Husb.." - Monica is resuced, but Jessica was gravely wounded as she warged the team from the Darkhold to Pinnacle Base. Monica and Mara still have unsettled business. Pinnacle Base is under attack. Cetus and Lady Hecate have a final confrontation. "The time for monsters" - new chapter to kick off Convergence. More to come!!

What We Longed For

1. As always, a good paying job security testing (consulting), making good $$, working with amazing people, minimal travel, and with decent benefits.
2. Will begrudgingly accept a role in quality assurance engineering with a focus on playwright (either with javascript or python).

What We Loathed

1. As always the 2025 - 2026 Job Market.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 16, 2026 - "New Year, New Cruise '26" Ed.

Highlights for the week

It's a precarious situation that I find myself in. I want to find work, but unable to start immediately. Anything would have to come after February.

And what a week it was! Although the employment situation remains hot garbage, a lot was accomplished and learned, starting with finishing another pen test. Seven months and I'm learning where I really failed at SI (and other employers) and where I will improve.

• I will continue to improve my testing fundamentals, my writing, and my discipline for working through challenges.
• I will make sure to ask clarifiying questions to make sure I understand the assignment fully.
• I will then follow-up when I've completed the assignment to ensure I've completed the task.
• I will work double-hard to make sure I have full context / clarity on the project I'm working on. No more struggling with context.
• I'm also going to learn not to be so gung-ho about a new job; no more rose-colored glasses. Both eyes wide opened and staying grounded.
• I will set daily and weekly goals, making sure they are aligned with the work I am assigned to doing. No time wasted!!

MOST IMPORTANT PROMISE TO MYSELF: I will work my a!@# off to be an asset to the team, not a liability.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful to be able to have provided for another cruise. I am the richest poor person I know :)
2. Grateful to be going on vacation and away from the negativity for a few days.
3. As always, grateful that I get to wake up in a bed, with food in the 'fridge, and a warm meal.
4. Last but never the least: eternally grateful for the loving family I have, near and abroad.

What We Loved

1. Getting back into python was always a pleasure. I'll probably continue on this path.
2. Loved that I'm feeling the work I'm putting in to heal mentally is paying off. The negative self-talk has been replaced with positive affirmation!!

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Going to schedule time for it .. pinky-promise!!
2. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Been delayed writing this week. Saved for the weekend.
3. Python for Ethical Hacking: [Status: DONE!] - Finished the book in record time and pulled in some great code snippets for future use.
4. New Pen Test: USAA [Status: DONE!] - Scope was large, but after verifying the targets, it was whittled down to a web pen test. APIs were inaccessible.
5. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Scheduled time for python for ethical hacking.
6. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Project Planning Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] - Postponed until February

What We Longed For

1. A job .. like now!! I will be in the red end of this month. Something's got to give!

What We Loathed

1. Monday's are the worst for job hunting.
2. What's not working, besides me! ... job hunt. Seven months, zero phone calls or invites to first-round interviews. More rejections than I can count.
3. Also, starting my morning at 10:30 (or so) is hurting my productivity. Then again, job hunt has been a dumpster fire.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 9, 2026 - “On The Python Path” Ed.

Highlights for the week

Not really a lot to report this week, however a lot of new things have been started, so that's a plus.

With a new workout, new BBH program started, and new book to read / learn, things have been amazing. I love the idea of asking if the action I'm taking to get better every day is moving me forward. I listen to Jim Rohn every morning, and the best thing I've heard so far is to stay disciplined, keep focused, plan well, and execute every day. It doesn't matter that you failed in your past .. that's not you anymore. It doesn't matter what you've done .. that is inconsequential to now. Now is all that matters. What am I doing NOW to help improve my situation, my weaknesses, where I failed.

The time is NOW .. break the old patterns. I think this is what GOD has been trying to teach me. If not, it's my muse talking. She's always reminding me to write, focus, stay calm, eliminate distractions, feed the mind and body proper, and disallow negative thinking.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful to be alive another day.
2. Grateful that I will be able to get to another cruise.
3. As always, grateful to have a loving family, warm home, and food in the 'fridge.

What We Loved

1. Happy that I'm starting on the path to keep doing better and being better. Caught myself eliminating negativity and the bad self-talk. Taking more control over what I accept both internally and externally has been amazing. Also working to keep disciplined and build good habits. No more reaching for the vice to get me entertained when bored. Instead, it's about healthy choices.

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Scheduling this for the weekend.
2. Python for Ethical Hacking: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] - Completed Chapter 1, so awesome getting the refresher plus tangiable scripts to use later.
3. New Pen Test: USAA [Status: IN PROGRESS!] - Completed the scoping and reconnissance. I've flagged the issues with creating an account and project scope.
4. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Been delayed writing this week. Saved for the weekend.
5. API Pen Testing: Lime [Status: DONE!] - The API for previous engagement and current are blocked.
6. APISEC: [Status: DONE!] Happy by how much I learned and labs created.
7. QA DAY: [Status: BACKLOGGED!] - Scheduled time for python for ethical hacking.
8. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Project Planning Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] - Postponed for the following week. Concerned by her discipline (or lack thereof).

What We Longed For

1. A JOB!! Plain and simple. I am in the red and if I don't land a job within the next few weeks, it will be a very bad February. Zero for March!!

What We Loathed

1. Nearly got scammed of my PII for a job prospect.
2. Watching an innocent person get "un-alived" by a federal agent for no reason whatsoever was beyond atrocious. The country is in peril!!
3. Also watched an unsanctioned takeover of a country by special forces ... it appears we're back to our colonizer ways!! Yay 'murica!!

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 3, 2026 - "First Journal Entry of 2026" Ed.

Highlights for the week

So yeah .. 2026 is here and now. I, for one, still have an uneasiness about it. I'm trying my best to work on putting out positive vibes and manifesting the kind of outcome I want, but sad truth is it feels like worse is going to happen on a global scale. In the meantime, I will continue to work on myself. The goal is: DO BETTER, BE BETTER!

On the professional tip, I will be working on learning to be an asset, not a liability; the person your team can count on. For way too long, I've struggled to get things right. Quitting hs football haunts me as it was not how I wanted to end that. I was sore, tired, and out of shape. Worse, I had no friends or anyone I could lean on to motivate me to keep going. I was there at the recommendation of a friend but that was it. If I knew then what I know now, I would have powered through.

I had no clear ambition for College other than maybe become a pediatrician. That ended after the first year. Then I figured let me make up the remainder of my time climbing back up that mountain. Barely got by with a 3.0 GPA. I wanted to graduate and join the Air Force. That was a bust. Wanted to pursue a secondary degree but fell 1 semester short because the class I needed wasn't available my last year. Yay, me!

A freshly minted graduate, no job prospects. Other than writing, what I had working for me was life in food service. Learned a ton and had some invaluable experiences. Memories I will cherish for a life time. In the end, it did little to help my future self out. I went to a vocational school but had just enough money to get through a program to earn my A+ Certification. Thought I was going to go into computer repair: another failed idea.

After some time, I went back to school and graduated with a second BA and what felt like an incomplete education. All the programming classes were a bust in some degree, and my security classes required me continuing my education to the Master's level. Money I just didn't have. I freelanced for a bit, and landed a few other jobs. Looking back, I don't think I ever processed the firing at the Townhouse because I carried that resentment every job I went to. The cycle was the same: get hired > do ok > get fired / laid off.

And then God blessed me with a family. I feel like this was the universe trying to get my stupid a** to act right, straighten up, and quit doing dumb sh**. It worked ... to a degree. I landed a testing role and was off to the races. Then changes happened and a lot internal movement brought out a side of me I thought was done. I hadn't realized that I subconciously hated change. Any disruption to my world strirred up internal rage which manifested itself in outward job performance. I rebelled. I sabotaged my relationships. I acted out of pocket. It it was the same for several other jobs. I won't go into the details for Fuzz, but that loss hurt me in a way I didn't think I could ever hurt. It showed me that hardwork was never really appreciated and that there is no loyalty in the workplace. You're an asset until you're not. When they want you gone, you're gone!

FML! 50 years old and I still feel like that lost little boy, wishing for guidance. I'm operating at a "junior level" because I've had to figure sh** out my own. The consequences of doing it the hard way has been failing forward. The rose-colored glasses I used to see my security job with are shattered. With clarity, I see I was never as ready as I thought I was and I hadn't received the kind of education I was begging for. I used what little knowledge I had and figured the rest out as I went. I probably would still be employed there had I had the right mentorship and guidance. But here I am, once again, not working and trying to find the next opportunity. I don't know if I've exhausted them all, or if the best is yet to come.

They say it's never too late to start over. I hope who ever "they" are, that they are doing well because 2026 doesn't feel very optimistic right now. The plan is to do better, be better. But also, hoping to volunteer more and network with other like-minded people. I know there's more I could be .. should be doing.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful for starting the year off in a comfy bed, despite the odd sleep. I get 6 hrs, but I wake up too early, no pep in my step. A couple of days ago, I had weird pains in my chest. Probably gerd. The discomfort was enough to wake me up at 2 am and ruin my plans for working out that morning.
2. As always, I'm grateful that I get to wake up. I suppose God isn't through with me yet. Still hoping together we can find my purpose.
3. Desptite being poor, I'm grateful that I get to travel with the family. We'll be cruising at the end of the month.

What We Loved

1. Loved that I finally got to finish Web Application Hacker's Handbook.

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Resuming after the holiday break.
2. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Enemies are at the gate; Plan to rescue Monica is underway .. starting with sixOne getting arrested
3. WAHH - [Status: DONE!]. Completed the book during the holidays.
4. API Pen Testing: Lime [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.
5. APISEC: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Just wrapped up the modules on Injection, Fuzzing, and Mass Assignment.
6. QA DAY: [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.
7. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Test Cases Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.

What We Longed For

1. A job .. plain and simple. Ideally with good pay and benefits.

What We Loathed

1. Job boards like Linked In, Indeed, Monster and so on are the absolute worst! Especially Linked In, they're not looking to get you hired. Instead, they just keep you hooked for the sake of engagement. And if you want better job leads and to actually reach out to a recruiter, you gotta pay.
2. The entire tech assessment process for a job I know very little about: I hate not meeting with the manager; I hate not getting the right info; I did ask clarifying questions but did not get any further details. Not even a job description for what I would be doing. Just scraps. And I did some research and the job isn't even listed on the company site. Is it legit (red flag!) The ropes thing asked for my id (red flag!) Minimal preparation (red flag!) And it is in Queens (red flag!). If I land it, great. If not great.