Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday January 3, 2026 - "First Journal Entry of 2026" Ed.

Highlights for the week

So yeah .. 2026 is here and now. I, for one, still have an uneasiness about it. I'm trying my best to work on putting out positive vibes and manifesting the kind of outcome I want, but sad truth is it feels like worse is going to happen on a global scale. In the meantime, I will continue to work on myself. The goal is: DO BETTER, BE BETTER!

On the professional tip, I will be working on learning to be an asset, not a liability; the person your team can count on. For way too long, I've struggled to get things right. Quitting hs football haunts me as it was not how I wanted to end that. I was sore, tired, and out of shape. Worse, I had no friends or anyone I could lean on to motivate me to keep going. I was there at the recommendation of a friend but that was it. If I knew then what I know now, I would have powered through.

I had no clear ambition for College other than maybe become a pediatrician. That ended after the first year. Then I figured let me make up the remainder of my time climbing back up that mountain. Barely got by with a 3.0 GPA. I wanted to graduate and join the Air Force. That was a bust. Wanted to pursue a secondary degree but fell 1 semester short because the class I needed wasn't available my last year. Yay, me!

A freshly minted graduate, no job prospects. Other than writing, what I had working for me was life in food service. Learned a ton and had some invaluable experiences. Memories I will cherish for a life time. In the end, it did little to help my future self out. I went to a vocational school but had just enough money to get through a program to earn my A+ Certification. Thought I was going to go into computer repair: another failed idea.

After some time, I went back to school and graduated with a second BA and what felt like an incomplete education. All the programming classes were a bust in some degree, and my security classes required me continuing my education to the Master's level. Money I just didn't have. I freelanced for a bit, and landed a few other jobs. Looking back, I don't think I ever processed the firing at the Townhouse because I carried that resentment every job I went to. The cycle was the same: get hired > do ok > get fired / laid off.

And then God blessed me with a family. I feel like this was the universe trying to get my stupid a** to act right, straighten up, and quit doing dumb sh**. It worked ... to a degree. I landed a testing role and was off to the races. Then changes happened and a lot internal movement brought out a side of me I thought was done. I hadn't realized that I subconciously hated change. Any disruption to my world strirred up internal rage which manifested itself in outward job performance. I rebelled. I sabotaged my relationships. I acted out of pocket. It it was the same for several other jobs. I won't go into the details for Fuzz, but that loss hurt me in a way I didn't think I could ever hurt. It showed me that hardwork was never really appreciated and that there is no loyalty in the workplace. You're an asset until you're not. When they want you gone, you're gone!

FML! 50 years old and I still feel like that lost little boy, wishing for guidance. I'm operating at a "junior level" because I've had to figure sh** out my own. The consequences of doing it the hard way has been failing forward. The rose-colored glasses I used to see my security job with are shattered. With clarity, I see I was never as ready as I thought I was and I hadn't received the kind of education I was begging for. I used what little knowledge I had and figured the rest out as I went. I probably would still be employed there had I had the right mentorship and guidance. But here I am, once again, not working and trying to find the next opportunity. I don't know if I've exhausted them all, or if the best is yet to come.

They say it's never too late to start over. I hope who ever "they" are, that they are doing well because 2026 doesn't feel very optimistic right now. The plan is to do better, be better. But also, hoping to volunteer more and network with other like-minded people. I know there's more I could be .. should be doing.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful for starting the year off in a comfy bed, despite the odd sleep. I get 6 hrs, but I wake up too early, no pep in my step. A couple of days ago, I had weird pains in my chest. Probably gerd. The discomfort was enough to wake me up at 2 am and ruin my plans for working out that morning.
2. As always, I'm grateful that I get to wake up. I suppose God isn't through with me yet. Still hoping together we can find my purpose.
3. Desptite being poor, I'm grateful that I get to travel with the family. We'll be cruising at the end of the month.

What We Loved

1. Loved that I finally got to finish Web Application Hacker's Handbook.

What We Learned

1. AI Training [Status: Not Started!] - Resuming after the holiday break.
2. Writing: Chapter "War Cry" [Status: IN PROGRESS!]. Enemies are at the gate; Plan to rescue Monica is underway .. starting with sixOne getting arrested
3. WAHH - [Status: DONE!]. Completed the book during the holidays.
4. API Pen Testing: Lime [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.
5. APISEC: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Just wrapped up the modules on Injection, Fuzzing, and Mass Assignment.
6. QA DAY: [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.
7. Mentor/Mentee w. IMANI, Test Cases Lesson: [Status: PAUSED!] - Resuming after the Holiday break.

What We Longed For

1. A job .. plain and simple. Ideally with good pay and benefits.

What We Loathed

1. Job boards like Linked In, Indeed, Monster and so on are the absolute worst! Especially Linked In, they're not looking to get you hired. Instead, they just keep you hooked for the sake of engagement. And if you want better job leads and to actually reach out to a recruiter, you gotta pay.
2. The entire tech assessment process for a job I know very little about: I hate not meeting with the manager; I hate not getting the right info; I did ask clarifying questions but did not get any further details. Not even a job description for what I would be doing. Just scraps. And I did some research and the job isn't even listed on the company site. Is it legit (red flag!) The ropes thing asked for my id (red flag!) Minimal preparation (red flag!) And it is in Queens (red flag!). If I land it, great. If not great.