Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday Februrary 20, 2026 - "Chinese Year of the Horse" Ed.

Highlights for the week

Another week has come and gone. The gray skies of the past month have really taken a toll on my state of mind. Coupled with the lack of employment, money all but gone, and not being able to make any inroads on improving the situation is getting to me. I wanted to make the most of Valentine's and failed miserably.

My son's birthday is around the corner and I just don't know where the money is going to come from. We owe it to him to make the most of the moment. We don't have the funds for that trip to Universal in Orlando. That spur-of-the-moment cruise was out of the question. Now I have to rely on his income to pay next month's bills.

UNACCEPTABLE!!

I know for things to change, I have to change. This whole thing has got to get better. I'm working on me .. but this is a karmic joke. The question that keeps nagging me is what is my purpose?! I've literally failed at most things that felt right. At 50, what's next. What is my "why!"

• And more people are getting laid off for "AI research and development/investment." The truth is much worse.
• Tech was saturated with talent, most of whom are mid-level.
• Underperformers are getting the ax.
• Overachievers are expensive, and they're getting the ax.
• New hires never get their chance.
• Employment opportunities are getting offshored.

What is even the point anymore. The mantra now is for employees to deliver value!! .. but for whom?

In other news, It is the year of the FIRE HORSE (February 17, 2026, to February 5, 2027)
In Chinese Culture, the Horse symbolizes strength, freedom, and passion. It represents a year full of energy and vitality, encouraging individuals to pursue their dreams and embrace challenges. (src. https://www.eastchinatrip.com/chinese-culture/chinese-zodiac/year-of-the-horse/) It is perfect that this should occur on my son's birthday as he does tend to be optimistic and action-oriented. The goal: pursue personal ambitions, and embark on new ventures.

Also, the lunar eclipse happening happening March 3rd

What We’re Grateful For

It's all about VALUE .. what is your value to the company, to your family, to yourself.

1. Grateful to have another day that I get to get up and pursue my passions .. whatever they may be.
2. Grateful to have a warm home, food, clothing, and all the things that come with that.
3. Grateful that God isn't through with me yet!

What We Loved

1. Attended the NYITS Job Fair. Overall, it was underwhelming. I did manage to secure 2 possible leads, one concerning AI .. not holding my breath.

What We Learned

1. Optimized my javascript "selector" script .. runs clean, no dupes, pulls the elements from the page, and what-not
2. New pen test is going somewhat ok. Been a bit mopey and not feeling this engagement.
3. Reading "Zorro" finally.
4. Writing .. grr .. been on hiatus with that.
5. LLM Security - finally started, but the models to get the flag aren't working. Will reach out to the developer if it continues.

What We Longed For

1. At this point, anything with an income and benefits.
2. I have expanded my search to include customer service and food service jobs. Pen Testing is still the dream, with QA roles being the consolation.
3. Mentorship cadence. At the moment, Mentees have all gone quiet. Shame!!

What We Loathed

1. In its entirety, the Job Market is a joke. Old Jobs I've applied to are reemerging.
2. New jobs feel hollow, or looking for a specific unicorn.
3. Zero interactions to applications sent. A few rejections, though!! Odds are that 99% of all applicants will not succeed.
4. re-applied to Code & Theory. Downgraded title, lesser pay, but you know times are bad when this is what I'm resorting to. Worse, I'm applying to food service places too. FML!!
5. Sleep has been trash. Probably the subconscious worry I've buried deep taking hold on my physical wellbeing.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday February 13, 2026 - "Positive Manifestations" Ed.

Highlights for the week

A good question worth answering: Are you doing the hard things?

The answer is a resounding "yes!" I have been challenging myself with doing new things. The cherry on top was leveraging AI to write a script that helped me with an automation task. The end result was a customizable script that parses the page for DOM elements to streamline the process of mapping locators as part of a typescript page-object-model (POM).

For my Security Consultant / Pentesting career goals, it's time to pause > reassess > recalibrate. Simplify what is working. Re-align tasks that move you forward. Focus on better goals. So why am I doing what I'm doing and why:

1. I'm working on BBH with BugCrowd to keep my skills sharpened. I'm approaching sites like a Pen Test, going through the entire process to educate myself on where I failed at SI.
2. I'm working on the occassional U-Test project to keep my QA skills tip-top. Resume implies I'm too long out of work. Consistency proves otherwise.
3. I'm working on AI side projects to learn, do, and grow.
4. I'm working on automation side projects for the same reason: learn, do, grow.
5. I'm writing when I have time because I love it. It improves my communication and puts my talents to use. I may want to finish the book and get published.
6. I'm working out because it improves my mental well being along with my physical.
7. I'm doing the work to rebuild myself esteem, improve the self-talk, and rebuild trust with myself. Get 1% better every ... single ... day!

What We’re Grateful For

1. Glad that I get to wake up and live to see another day.
2. Grateful for the comforts of a warm bed given the super-cold week.
3. Happy to have another week full of good learnings.

What We Learned

1. [QA Day] Used IBM Granite 4.0 to write a JS script that parses the page for DOM elements for use in building out automation page-objects.
2. New Pen Test - Quarter of the way through my new pen test, TheFork - a restaurant booking app.
3. Mentorship w. Imani - who knows what is happening. Her work and school schedule have changed impacting our meetings.
4. Got back to writing "Husb." - convergence is happening.
5. Portswigger - need to find a new module.
6. AI day - need to make time; Found a cool AI Pen Testing Lab.
7. Shared blog post on linked .. getting minimal to no interactions.

What We Longed For

1. 7 MONTHS ... NO JOB. It's so bad!!

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market!!

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday February 6, 2026 - "Sailed Through the Storm" Ed.

Highlights for the week

Back from vacation and felt more exhausted (and bored) than I did at the start. And I can't think of a better metaphor to describe how 2026 has gone so far than enduring 11 days of minimal sleep, some wonderful outings in Puerto Rico, Tortola, and Puerto Plata (DR), followed by a harrowing night at sea, an uneventful outing in St. Maarten, and the skipped port of St. Thomas. Conclusion: We made it out of the storm and we will make it through these dark financial times.

The ship's captain did as good a job as he could, given the circumstances, and we fared better for it in the long-run. That being said, the back-half of the cruise was so boring. The cruise line cancelled shows, reduced onboard activities to bare minimum, and there was just no happy vibes or positive energy reciprocity. A do over cruise is being discussed!!

Breakthrough!! Did some hardcore vibecoding with Google Gemini and resolved a minor issue with getting the tables to show up on google doc. Now it is set with proper column widths, header style and what-not!!

What We’re Grateful For

1. As stated earlier, grateful to have had the opportunity to go on a cruise in the first place.
2. Grateful to have made it back ashore in good spirits. We endured a bad storm with rough seas and 109 m.p.h winds that rocked our ship like cork.
3. Grateful to have had the time at BVI to reflect, recharge, and reassess my health and mental well being. A huge step forward in getting to a good place spiritually.
4. Grateful that I get to wake up and live to see new islands and have new experiences. Poor in finances but rich in well-lived experiences.
5. Grateful that I get to share these wonderful memories with wife and child, letting the pictures record the memories that will endure for a lifetime.

What We Loved

1. As always, loved the travel and cruising. Will need a break for a bit, but a do-over cruise is strongly being considered.

What We Learned

1. This week was a quiet week for learning. The time was spent recouperating, and relaxing.
2. Starting a new pen test so more on that next week.
3. Mentoring is going well, but I suspect my mentee has conflicting priorities and is not taking our time seriously. Will have to recalibrate.
4. On a deeply personal level, I'm learning to value my time and energy. Where do I want to devote my time? Whom will I give my energy to? All good questions.

What We Longed For

1. I will have to recalibrate my vision and tune it up for clarity.
2. Need a paycheck and benefits more than I need a job I'm going to ultimately hate.

What We Loathed

1. Job Hunt - back on. So tired of seeing jobs I've applied to (and rejected from) get reposted. Is this a joke or am I being lied to?