Highlights for the week
Another great start to the week, kicked off by an amazing Sunday Easter dinner. Made the lasagne and strawberry shortcake to perfection.
MONDAY
Affirmation: BUILD CHARACTER: HONESTY - INTEGRITY - RELIABILITY
Actively working on this. Sister tried to offer some unsoliticed advice but I had to ignore. She's not a parent, and the advice was not necessary. But instead of lashing out, I opted to state how it came off and just exit out of the conversation. Gotta protect my peace.
I'm thinking this week will be 10 months since my last paycheck. In a small way I miss the work. In a bigger way, I hate that I wasn't mentored the right way. Can't trust anyone!
The physical act of looking for work is becoming a sick joke. You're applying to a job that might not exist. You see the job paying less than market rate. You interview and have to go through a gauntlet of people just to hear, "thank you .. next!"
I just hate that I'm back here again .. 10 months in the mental gulag that is unemployment: the stress, the anxiety; the feelings of worthlessness, week after week.
TUESDAY
Affirmation: HEAL THE HURT BOY TO BECOME THE MAN YOU DESERVE TO BE!
Woke up "feeling" grateful for a lot. That hasn't happened in a long time, even with choppy sleep.
Listened to a YouTube video that blessed my feed and it was absolutely inspirational; will take those points and find time to write about it and reflect on where my deep hurts still lie.
Re-started Push/Pull/Leg workout with my son. Feeling amazing!!
Had a great day until dinner. Then a simple mistake uncorked a lot of disregulated energy that's been simmering for quite a while, directed at me. She didn't ask, and I didn't tell .. yet it is my fault. It is always my fault. I am sorry for that.
WEDNESDAY
Affirmation: RECLAIM YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY AND SHOW UP STRONG
Heard a great pod cast this morning about the 4 main masculine archtypes and how they manifest themselves in the actualized man. Going to focus on that.
Clearly, I'm not well. Going to do some deep soul searching and revisit old traumas to finally exorcise those demons. The body stores the energy of past traumas and those tend to resurface at inopportune times, in subconcious ways. Writing about to meditate on this.
Unemplyment is really starting to wear on me. Bad showing for jobs. I hate the profiles of people I know wearing titles that show advancement. It reminds me of where I'm slipping.
THURSDAY
Affirmation: WISDOM IS THE BYPRODUCT OF FAILURE!
The universe graced my YouTube feed with another set of videos from the same person I mentioned yesterday. He spoke about five salient points that compared how the safe man versus the wounded boy shows up and my mind was blown. Saw another short that went into how the wounded boy gives up his power and shows up small, relinquishing his masculine energy to his partner; he's actively seeking his mother-figure. WOW!! I took lots of notes and felt a weight lift. Everything the wife had been saying wasn't just speaking from a place of anger, but there was a reason behind it. The host of the video laid it out plain as day as to why she felt how she felt. Double WOW!!
Had a great night's sleep last night and woke up refreshed. Solid leg workout followed by a great breakfast .. lfg!!!
FRIDAY
Affirmation: RECLAIM YOUR MASCULINE ENERGY!!
This is going to be the goal. Reclamation of who I need to be as a man by healing the boy. It explains .. EVERYTHING!! How the hell am I supposed to land a lead role, or senior anything if I can't even lead myself or my family. I cannot keep showing up as an old boy. The patterns, the "junior level" performance, the feelings of being small, passive, weak. It all makes so much sense. LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!
What We’re Grateful For
- Grateful for YT for bestowing so much wisdom and inspiration this week. Found a reason to start healing the hurts.
- Grateful for another great week of feeling the joy to be able to have good health and stamina to make it through another day.
- Grateful for the learnings that come from even the simplest work on Bugcrowd. Every day is another day to keep getting better. Haven't found much, but we keep grindin'!!
- Grateful for having our God watching over us. Nana is up there gracing us with her love.
What We Loved
- The revelation that I don't have a learning disability or cognitive impairment but rather behavior patterns stemming from still unaddressed wounds from my childhood.
What We Learned
- Trello Pen Test [Status: DONE!] Report draft in progress.
- Claude + MCP [Status: DONE!] Will be starting on agent work next week.
- Writing: Bug Bounty Pro Tips [Status: DONE!]
- QA DAY: [Status: IN PROGRESS!] Temporarily paused for other, more extensive priorities. If time allows this weekend, will address it. Not a priority.
- Writing: "Husb..." [Status: IN PROGRESS!! ] Had a strong section for the war. Mapped out where the main characters are; Jessica & sixOne hit the "Null"
- Android Pen Testing Ed. [Status: TO DO!!] Created the account and have my login credentials set.
- Cloud Security Fundamentals [Status: TO DO!!] Now that the Pen Test is complete, will be making this a priority.
- AI Pen Testing [Status: TO DO!!] Leaving this here so I don't forget that I legit want to learn this.
What We Longed For
- I keep praying for that ideal job. It's a breath of fresh air that I got a taste of the job I want (Secure Ideas), but the search continues.
- Barely 5 jobs applied to this week. Even the restaurant jobs aren't calling back. But that's ok .. it's my vibe that is failing me, not anything else.
What We Loathed
- Getting parental advice from non-parents. That bothers me a lot.
- 2026 Job market .. I'll never not keep hating this timeline. More layoffs by the month.
- Not being able to get to help Mom and sister more. It's getting more and more expensive to do so, and the opportunities are fading.
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