Highlights for the week
Sixteen weeks of unemployment .. ugh! With the holidays around the corner, this is hitting me hard. I was hoping to have landed a job by now. Whwt's worse is that I anticipate more layoffs in the months to come, optics be damned!
Voted early on Sunday, and sadly we did not get the halloween stickers as promised. Typical of my life.
Had a strong conversation with myself some time around 2am Monday. Perhaps it was the moon beaming down on me activating my third eye, but we had a heart-to-heart. It is true, that I've been a black hole of energy, not taking but consuming everything in my path. I've also been repeating patterns that point to the lack of healing my "father wound." This has shown up as weakness, unreliability, and showing up small in my day-to-day. How am I expected to land a job when I can't even fix myself. And the beat goes on!
Overall, it's been a rather gloomy week. While I physically feel great, my heart aches. My mental energy is low. I am legitimately scared I may never work again. Worse, I'm afraid I expended the chances the universe has blessed me with.
Happy Anniversary to Us ... 20 years of a union that is on life-support. This hurts my heart in a way I never imagined.
What promises did you make and keep?
For the first time in a while, I felt the urge to give in to my vice and employed a code word to keep from doing so. Result was keeping my promise.
Did you choose discipline over comfort?
Yes. Discipline to hit the gym every day. Disciplined to look for work. And disciplined to keep learning new things every day.
Did you finish the task?
The high-priority tasks were finished. The secondary priority tasks were bumped for personal commitments and other matters.
Did you accomplish the goal?
Yes ... to an extent.
MONDAY
Affirmation: EN ANTIO DROMIA - NOT TO AVOID THE FEELING BUT ENGAGE WITH IT
You are not the thought. Instead, you are conscious of the thought and how it passes through you like a storm.
This is the transcendent function. Next time an unwanted thought shows up, do not surrender. Instead notice that it the thought is speaking through you. Obey it.
TUESDAY
Affirmation: HEAL FROM THE FATHER WOUNDS
The patterns you repeat are emblematic of your subconscious prgorammming; the script that was written long before you were aware of your self.
WEDNESDAY
Affirmation: YOU ARE NOT WEAK .. YOU ARE JUST WIRED POORLY
And the good news is the brain can be re-wired. It starts with repetition of good, useful habits and removing old bad habits that weren't serving you.
Mom sent me money honoring my anniversary. It bothers me that she keeps insisting on sending me money, but also that she bothers to remember the date. Feels like meddling, but also I may just be reading too much into it given where my head is at lately.
THURSDAY
Affirmation: WHAT YOU REPEAT IS WHAT YOU BECOME
The life goal: Consistency over intensity ... choosing GOOD daily habits with the purpose of becoming 1% better.
Had a great leg day workout. Spent the better part of the morning food shopping. Then pen testing in the afternoon.
A recruiter sends me a "you are not the right fit for the role" email but then sends me a follow-up response to my reply with questions about my automation experience ... like WTF!! Did you even read my resume (which was what I wrote after my bulleted list). I can't with the state of recruitment these days.
FRIDAY
Affirmation: HEAL THE BOY TO BECOME THE MAN!
After the YT video I heard this morning, it is very possible that I may be an HFD - high-functioning depressive - and the core problems stem from a series of issues manifesting themselves in different aspects of my life: my role as a man, as a provider, as a husband, as a father, a son, and a brother. Failing on all fronts. The video ended with a set of questions to ask and reflect on that I will be doing later on.
SATURDAY/SUNDAY
Affirmation: KEEP GRINDIN’
statement for any relevant fun side projects
What We’re Grateful For
- Happiness is a full 'fridge .. I will always have gratitude for having food, a bed, and a roof over my head.
- Grateful for the opportunity to keep learning something new every day and every week.
- Grateful for YouTube and the quality videos that have been in my feed this past week. So much learning.
What We Loved
- Love the fall weather, the foliage, and the energy of halloween.
What We Learned
- [API PT] - Paused!
- [ANDROID PT] - Next module.
- [WRITE] Medium
- [WRITE] Substack (maybe)
- [WEB PT] - OpenSea ... the recon is near complete.
- [Cloud Sec.] Module 3 - Security Lifecycle - https://www.skills.google/course_templates/1300/video/609101
- [WRITE] "Husb."
- ...
TO DO
IN PROGRESS
DONE
What We Longed For
- A good job with pay. AI Red teaming is becoming a real idea. QAE and Pentesting come a close second.
What We Loathed
- The 2026 job market
- Not being able to honor my wedding anniversary the right way .. because there's no money. It ends now!!
- The current president and his administration.
- Shitty recruiters
- Being broke!
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