Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday October 23, 2026 - “Hacker's Delight” Ed.

Highlights for the week

New week, same situation - no jobs. Monday is notorious for the job leads, but my will to keep trying is fading fast. As is the money in the bank.

The high from BSidesNYC 0x06 is over, but the connections made were fantastic. I had so much fun and met so many amazing people.

Another week comes to a close and the churn of find job > apply to job > hear nothing is getting old. I've even tried looking for B-tier (waiter) and C-tier (customer service) jobs and I'm not getting a blip. U-test is an absolute failure. As is Bugcrowd. I can't keep living off of credit cards, but the options are bleak.

MONDAY

Affirmation: GENUINE READINESS IS ABOUT TAKING THE CHANCE AT SOMETHING NEW DESPITE YOUR FEELINGS

It is possible to stay in a perpetual state of preparedness that you never take action and achieve your goals. Take the chance.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: NONCE

Hit my goal for the back workout, but felt really out of sorts, even with the good night's sleep

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: FAILURE IS THE JOURNEY INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST

Being "swallowed up" is not about failure, its about discovery .. who you are when you come out on the other side.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: HEAL THE FATHER TRAUMA

It was a sleepy day; skipped leg day because of my poor quality of sleep. Made the most of it by starting the job hunt early and moving through the Cloud Sec. modules. Also learned about Android Broadcast receivers.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: A MAN WILL EXHIBIT SIGNS OF LONLINESS WHEN HE RESORTS TO QUESTIONABLE CONTENT FILL THAT VOID

The job market is abysmal.

Had a weird dream where I was building a baseball field, but instead of grass it was beach sand. I was measuring the distance from third base to home.

SATURDAY/SUNDAY

Affirmation: KEEP GRINDIN’

statement for any relevant fun side projects

What We’re Grateful For

1. Always grateful for money in the bank and food in the 'fridge.
2. Grateful that I get to wake up and enjoy another day.

What We Loved

1. Loving my reading glasses and starting on reading a new book.

What We Learned

TO DO

1. [Cloud Sec.] Module 3 - Security Lifecycle - https://www.skills.google/course_templates/1300/video/609101
2. [WEB PT] - Paused!
3. [API PT] - Paused!
4. [WRITE] - SUBSTACK .. need a topic.

---

IN PROGRESS

5. [WRITE] "Husb."

---

DONE

6. [READ] - Intro to Cloud Pen Testing (HTB)
7. [READ] - AWS Pen Testing Guide (HTB)
8. [Cloud Sec.] Module 2 - Cloud Security
9. Attended Meeting - "Understanding Containers & AI Sandboxing"
10. ]ANDROID PT] - HEXMAP - ANDROID BROADCAST RECEIVERS; APP PERMISSIONS
11. [AI WORKSHOP] Learned how to build a multi-agent system. Didn't get very far. It was too complicated and way longer than what the time showed.
12. [WRITE] - Medium blog post - "What if we treated agents like puppies"

What We Longed For

1. A job ... literally any job at this moment.

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market. Got 3 rejections this week.

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday October 16, 2026 - “BSidesNYC 0x06” Ed.

Highlights for the week

It's that time, once again, for the BSidesNYC 2026 edition. This is going to be an exciting week of AI learning, networking, and volunteering.

What promises did you make and keep?

• Despite waking up at 3:30 Monday, I went to the gym and got a solid workout in.
• Spent the weekend writing. Published a Medium article, a substack article, and added more to the chapter of "husband." .. it's getting good.
• Been laser-focused on inner work, and interactions with my subconscious.

Did you choose discipline over comfort?

• Always!

Did you finish the task?

• Yes. See "...Learned" section

did you accomplish the goal?

• Yes. See "...Learned" section

MONDAY

Affirmation: LISTEN TO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS

IT IS TIME TO ACT.. fidelity to the soul because you are not lost. You are disconnected from who you are.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: AN IGNORED SOUL WILL COMMUNICATE IN IRRATIONAL WAYS

Traumas should not be ignored. And the psyche that goes ignored will show up in self-sabotage, repeated patterns, and other behaviors.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: THE OLD YOU HAS TO GO .. DROP THE DEFENSIVENESS

Extricate the old patterns that have worked against you; burn the old traumas

THURSDAY

Affirmation: CARE FOR YOURSELF FROM WITHIN

The child operates in the shadows of your psyche as an archetype with behaviors of shame, rejection, unvalued, unloved.

The inner parental figure - this is where true healing begins. Be the father you never had to your inner child. Acknowledge him and let him feel "seen."

FRIDAY

Affirmation: HEAL THE BOY TO BECOME THE MAN YOU ALWAYS WERE

Reclaim your masc. energy. Listen to the boy and nurture him. Let him out to play and feel safe, welcomed, valued.

SATURDAY/SUNDAY

Affirmation: KEEP GRINDIN’

What We’re Grateful For

1. Grateful for the opportunity to have attended the AI Agentic Security Meeting on Friday.
2. Grateful for BSidesNYC 0x066 - Volunteering was a blast. Making new connections was even more fun.
3. Grateful for the family .. another week of great fun, making (and keeping) the peace, and maintaining harmony.
4. Grateful that I still have money in the bank .. at least for another month or so. I really truly need a job.

What We Loved

1. Loved volunteering at BSidesNYC 0x06 - saw some old frieds and I hope the new connections pans out.

What We Learned

TO DO

1. [AI PT] - GENBOUNTY: need to start academy and the tutorials.
2. [WEB PT] - Paused!
3. [API PT] - Paused!
4. ]ANDROID PT] - HEXMAP - ANDROID BROADCAST RECEIVERS: Paused!
5. [WRITE] - Medium blog post
6. [WRITE] - SUBSTACK .. need a topic.

---

IN PROGRESS

7. [Cloud Sec.] Module 2 - Cloud Security - https://www.skills.google/course_templates/1300/video/609074 (next week)

---

DONE

8. [AI WORKSHOP] Learned how to build a multi-agent system. Didn't get very far. It was too complicated and way longer than what the time showed.
9. [READ] - Intro to Cloud Pen Testing (HTB)
10. [READ] - AWS Pen Testing Guide (HTB)

What We Longed For

1. A good job with pay. AI Red teaming is becoming a real idea. QAE and Pentesting come a close second.

What We Loathed

1. The current president and his administration.
2. Being broke!
3. The 2026 job market

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday October 9, 2026 - “The *.Ber Months Are In Effect” Ed.

Highlights for the week

Another week of jobs to apply to, and jobs to get rejected from. Yawn! The process is becoming tiresome. I only have but so much money left in the bank, and there are only so many credit cards I can take on before I reach a limit. It's getting old.

As an aside, the universe spoke to me through YouTube, as I found a great video to listen to regarding identity and the mask I've been wearing. The point of it all is to remove the mask of pretense and become who I always should have been.

I hate that I've been waking up more than once at 3 am. My sleep quality has been in the toilet. Hoping to recouperate this weekend.

Wife insists I open more credit cards and play the "balance transfer" game. While I'd rather avoid being in debt up to the tits with credit cards, she might have a point. The job market is only getting worse.

Nonsequitor: we're not ready for aliens.

Ending the working week with a good bit of happiness. A video I heard on YT had it perfectly stated: SMALL VICTORIES MATTER JUST AS MUCH AS BIG ONES

MONDAY

Affirmation: BECOME WHO YOU ARE AFRAID TO BE

Integrate the broken fragments of your identity and face your shadow. Reclaim what you've suppressed to be who you always were.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: YOU DON'T FIND YOURSELF, YOU FACE YOURSELF

The path to individuation starts with an honest look at who you are, not who you pretend you are.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: SURVIVAL IS NOT THE SAME AS LIVING

One should not just rely on being in a constant state of alert to get by. You should be at peace.

Finally found the Cloud Pen Testing Guide I've been actively searching for all this time. It even points to practice sites and HTB boxes.

THURSDAY

Affirmation: SHED THE MASK OF THE PERSONA YOU USED TO SURVIVE TO BE FULLY YOU

Get rid of the old ways, the old patterns, and old reactions that have failed you. It is holding you back.

Dialog with your shadow, make peace with him, then send him off ... mission accomplished!

Instead of follow-up Friday, I'm making today (Thursday) the day to check in on applications a month old.

Re-scheduled "LEG DAY" to Saturday. Woke up feeling far worse than days past, where I had taken an antihistamine to fight off a bacterial infection and hives. No amount of coffee is going to help. I just need good quality sleep, and not wake up earlier than necessary. Some weird dreams last night, for sure!

FRIDAY

Affirmation: GRATITUDE DETERMINES LATITUDE

House cleaning for the mind, body, and soul.

I will make the following declarations for myself:

• I will choose what to focus on that moves me towards my purpose.
• I will choose discipline over comfort.
• I will not revisit or ruminate over every disappointment, mistake, hurt, or failure.
• I will give my attention to things that strengthen me.
• I will be mindful of what enters my mind because thoughts become patterns. Patterns become habits. Habits become character. And character influences destiny.

SATURDAY/SUNDAY

Affirmation: DON'T LOOK BACK ... KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Once again the universe spoke to me through YT. The moral of the stories, either through a Korean parable, the story of Lot and his wife, or Orpheus & Euridice is: never look too hard at the past, with fondness or envy, while moving to a new future or you will find yourself punished for it. This can mean anything from repeating old patterns, to never really embracing the future because you are stuck in the past. For my sake, it means never bringing the past into the present with the hopes of a better future, because that almost never works out.

After a good long walk, we did the inner work to celebrate our wins, learn from our losses, and work on earning self-respect. I will not be spoken to with venom or disrespect. I will not allow rudeness and insults into my space. I will not punish myself for the sins of the past. Instead I will learn and keep moving.

What We’re Grateful For

1. A happy home, loving wife, thriving son, and new opportunities in the week to come.
2. YT taught me that, for all my past hurts and failurs, I need to extract the meaning and keep moving.
3. I am happy that I had the difficulty and disappointment. It taught me where I need to improve but it doesn't own me. It doesn't define me.
4. Despite not having an income, I'm happy to have some kind of money in the bank.
5. Even without work, there is food in the 'fridge, I have a bed to sleep on, and I have a roof over my head.

What We Loved

1. Learning new things!
2. Loving my new glasses! Reading so much more.
3. I know this unemployment season is temporary.

What We Learned

• This season is temporary. It will turn around.
• I will not assign permanent judgment to temporary discomfort.
• My purpose will guide me.

The focus this week is all things Cloud Security!!

TO DO

1. [Cloud Sec.] Module 2 - Cloud Security - https://www.skills.google/course_templates/1300/video/609074 (next week)
2. [WEB PT] - Paused!
3. [API PT] - Paused!
4. ]ANDROID PT] - HEXMAP - ANDROID BROADCAST RECEIVERS: Paused!

---

IN PROGRESS

5. [AI PT] - need to start academy and the tutorials.

---

DONE

6. [AI PT] - Genbounty: Finish profile
7. [Cloud Sec.] Module 1 - Intro. to Cloud Computing
8. [WRITE] - Medium blog post
9. [WRITE] - "Husb." .. the war for Earth is about to happen
10. [WRITE] - SUBSTACK .. need a topic.
11. [READ] - Intro to Cloud Pen Testing (HTB)
12. [READ] - AWS Pen Testing Guide (HTB)

What We Longed For

1. A good job, either as AI Red Team, Security Consultant, or QA Engineer.

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market

Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday October 2, 2026 - “Autumnal Chill” Ed.

Highlights for the week

BSidesNYC 0x06 .. got my ticket, signed up to Volunteer ... LET'S GO!!!

MONDAY

Affirmation: WORK HARD AT BECOMING WHO YOU ALWAYS WERE

Remove the mask and build the habits that lead to success.

Authenticity means never having to apologize for who you are or compromise your integrity to fit in.

TUESDAY

Affirmation: KILL THE IDEALIZED IMAGE OF WHO YOU "SHOULD" BE

Instead, focus on being your best present self as you work to drop all pretense of living up to a standard set by others, and live for the standards you've set for yourself.

WEDNESDAY

Affirmation: PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

You had a morning issue with something that slipped your mind. Learn from it, but don't dwell on it. You filed an incident report with yourself and recognized where you went wrong. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving. Forgive yourself. Apologize. Take ownership. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!!

THURSDAY

Affirmation: THE DAY YOU STOP ABANDONING YOURSELF IS THE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE NEVER BROKEN

... you were simply ignoring who you were to fit in.

FRIDAY

Affirmation: REMOVE THE MASK, STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

You don't fit in because you don't wear the mask of someone trying to fit in. Focus on making things happeng and getting sh** done.

SATURDAY/SUNDAY

Affirmation: KEEP GRINDIN’

Liberty Tiki idea in full effect.

What We’re Grateful For

1. EVERYTHING .. especially getting over my cold
2. Happiness is a full 'fridge

What We Loved

1. Hitting 90% of my goals this week. Considering the priorities of food shopping and paying the bills, it was a phenomenal week.
2. Two weeks til BSidesNYC

What We Learned

TO DO

1. Google Cloud (Coursera) ... still in the backlog.
2. Write - Medium .. need inspiration
3. Write - Substack .. need inspiration

---

IN PROGRESS

4. Write - "Husband" .. Enzo is poisoned; The Queens reunite and prepare for battle
5. Side Project - "Liberty Tiki" -- had an awesome saturday conceptualizing a point-of sale system. Need to think about the business plan.

---

DONE

6. Web PT - Optus
7. AI PT - Wraith CTFs - 96% done .. 1 remains, and it's a tough nut.
8. Android PT - HexMAP: Learned about bound services and how SERVICES in general can be an attack surface. Will need to make time to circle back and get the flags.
9. Network Security - Module 3:Device Hardening .. took the stupid cumulative quiz 5x before passing with a 100%. Kept bombing the "select all that apply" questions.
10. Reading - Network Security
11. Reading - "Zorro" .. got my glasses and finished the book.

What We Longed For

1. A good job in as a pen tester or QA automation engineer.

What We Loathed

1. 2026 Job Market and the bs recruiters with their rejection letters, only to see the job reposted a week later.