Security Testing Journal Entry | w/e Friday December 19, 2025 - "Gloomy Rain, Beautiful Winter Snow" Ed.

Highlights for the week

Pep talk and words to live by: FOCUS + DISCIPILINE + CONSISTENCY = WINNING. You are not your past; You are not failing, you are learning.

Snowed on 12/14 .. that's about the good of this week.

Going to get my hormones checked .. finally! So that's a win!

I definitely have a bit of a reddit problem. I find I spend a little bit of time every day looking to post, trying not to waste time or energy on pointless arguments, and trying to help where I can. Some peopl are just too dense. Speaking of which, my one mentee has not responded in well over three months. Unclear if I pissed her off or not, but the radio silence is telling. Did she have a meltdown? Did she quit everything? Is she ok? I'm trying to be indifferent, but some part of me wants to know she's ok. If I'm the a**hole, at least I know where I stand. But if there's something deeper, more problematic, and I can help then I surely would like to try. cest la vie

So tired of failing. So tired of the rejections. Had chances and opportunities. WTF to all of this!!

It makes me wonder what is the truth and what is the lie. Was I ever good at any of this? Are my best days behind me? What is the point anymore?

FFS, 50 YO AND STARTING OVER; STILL OPERATING AT A JUNIOR LEVEL ?! What is the truth and what is the lie?

Less than 8 days of unemployment insurance remaining. Bills are paid for now, but after next month .. yikes!! And too many people are saying 2026 is not going to be better. WTF?! And have I mentioned how Mondays are absolutely trash for job searching?? Well, they are! As of the time of this post (Friday), I just looked at severa job listings I applied to and got rejected from REPOSTED!! on the job board. What is the truth and what is the lie? Are they hiring, or just perpetuating the lie that they are succceeding for investor money.

What We’re Grateful For

1. Trying to find the positives this week. At least I have air in my lungs, food in my 'fridge, and a roof over my head.
2. Definitely grateful for waking up and having the health to grind.

What We Loved

1. Again, not much to love being so close to the holidays and unemployed ... again! This pattern has to stop.

What We Learned

1. U-TEST - Handled another U-Test Cycle. Found (1) issue I'm expecting to get rejected as a possible duplicate.
2. APISEC - APISec/VAPI learnings in progress. Learned about Crunch and JWT_TOOL to hijack authentication tokens and attack APIs. Cool recon process as well.
3. Bugcrowd/YNAB is still blocked. No new updates.
4. Bugcrowd/Lime is scoped. Waiting on YNAB before starting.
5. WAHH Chapter 19 - all about code review.
6. "HUSB" - Need to sit this weekend and really hammer out "War Cry"

What We Longed For

1. As always, a job doing cool things with cool people for great pay.

What We Loathed

1. The 2025 EMPLOYMENT MARKET
2. Hating my current situation with no money.
3. Hating that I feel like an abject failure.
4. Hating that I'm rejected for jobs that I see reposted on the job sites .. repeatedly